T. MACCI PLAUTI MOSTELLARIA

PERSONÆ

TRANIO SERVUS —  Greek tranés “clear, distinct”

GRUMIO SERVUS —  grūmus “little heap, hillock”

PHILOLACHES ADULESCENS —  Greek philos “dear;  friend”;  lachos “fate”

PHILEMATIUM MERETRIX —  Greek philemátion “little kiss”

SCAPHA ANCILLA —  Greek skáphion “small drinking bowl” (skapha “a light boat, skiff”)

CALLIDAMATES ADULESCENS —  Greek kállos “beauty,” damnān “to overpower,” i.e., “ladykiller”

DELPHIUM MERETRIX —  Greek delphús “womb”

THEOPROPIDES SENEX —  Greek theoprópos “prophetic, foreseeing”

MISARGYRIDES DANISTA —  “Money-hater”;  danista corresponds to Greek daneistēs “usurer”

SIMO SENEX —  Greek simós “pug-nosed” (like an ape)

PHANISCUS SERVUS —  Greek phainesthai “appear”

PINACIUM —  Greek pinákion “small writing tablet” (a slave had the job of carrying writing utensils for his lord)

SPHÆRIO —  Greek sphaira “ball, playing-ball”

LORARII —  lorum “strap, whip,” i.e., “flogger”

SERVI ALII

ARGUMENTUM
THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT.
[Supposed to have been written by Priscian the Grammarian.]

Manu misit emptos suos amores Philolaches	PHILOLACHES has given liberty to (Manumisit) his mistress who has been bought by him,
Omnemque absente rem suo absumit patre.	and he consumes all (Omnem) his substance in the absence of his father.
Senem ut revenit ludificatur Tranio :	When he returns, Tranio deceives the old man (Senem) ;
Terrifica monstra dicit fieri in ædibus	he says that frightful (Terrifica) apparitions have been seen in the house,
Et inde pridem emigratum.  Intervenit	and (Et) that at once they had left.
Lucripeta fenus fenerator postulans.	A Usurer, greedy of gain (Lucripeta), comes up in the meantime, asking for the interest of some money,
Ludosque rursum fit senex ;  nam mutuom	and again the old man is made sport of (Ludos) for the servant
Acceptum dicit pignus emptis ædibus.	says that a deposit for a house which has been bought has been taken up (Acceptum) on loan.
Requirit quæ sint :  ait vicini proxumi.	The old man enquires (Requirit) which it is;  he says that of the neighbour next door.
Inspectat illas.  Post se derisum dolet,	He then looks over (Inspectat) it.  Afterwards he is vexed that he has been laughed at;
Ab sui sodale gnati exoratur tamen.	still by (Ab) the companion of his son he is finally appeased.

Location:  The city of Athens, Greece.  The scene takes place on a street;  in the background are houses:  on the right, that of Theopropides;  on the left, that of Simos;  in the middle is a small street-altar in the form of a stone sacrificial platform.  To the left (the left exit) the street leads to the harbor, to the right (the right exit), to the city center and the market.
ACT I. Scene I 1: Grumio, dressed in a simple, short linen loincloth, storms in from the right (the city side), hurries onto the stage, rushes up to Theopropides’s house and hammers on the door.
I.i GRUMIO  Exi e culina sis foras, mastigia, qui mi inter patinas exhibes argutias.  (Nothing happens.  He knocks again.) Egredere, erilis pernicies, ex ædibus. Ego pol te ruri, si vivam, ulciscar probe.  (Nothing happens.  He knocks again.) Exi, inquam, nidor, e culina.  ¿ Quid lates ?	5
GRU.  Get out of the kitchen, will you;  out of it, you whip-scoundrel, who are giving me your cavilling talk amid the platters;  march out of the house, you ruin of your master.  Upon my faith, if I only live, I'll be soundly revenged upon you in the country.  Get out, I say, you kitchen-smell.  Why are you skulking thus?
TRANIO (Appears at the door.)  ¿ Quid tibi, malum, hic ante ædis clamitatiost ? ¿ An ruri censes te esse ?  Abscede ab ædibus.  (He shoves Grumio away.) Abi rus, abi dierecte, abscede ab janua.  (Grumio grabs him by the arm.) Em, ¿ hocine volebas ?  (He strikes Grumio.)  GR.  Perii.  ¿ Cur me verberas ?	9-10
TRA.  Why the plague are you making this noise here before the house?  Do you fancy yourself to be in the country [1]?  Get out of the house;  be off into the country.  Go and hang yourself.  Get away from the door.  (Striking him.)  There now, was it that you wanted?  GRU.  (running away).  I'm undone!  Why are you beating me?
[Footnote 1:  In the country) — Ver. 7.  Grumio appears to have been cook and herdsman combined, and perhaps generally employed at the country farm of Theopropides.  On this occasion he seems to have been summoned to town to cook for the entertainment which Philolaches is giving to his friends.]
TR.  Quia vivis.  GR.  Patiar.  Sine modo, adveniat senex.	11
TRA.  Because you want it.  GRU.  I must endure it.  Only let the old gentleman return home;
Sine modo venire salvum, quem absentem comēs. TR.  Nec veri simile loqueris nec verum, frutex — comēsse quemquam ut quisquam absentem possit. GR.  Tu urbanus vero scurra, deliciæ populi,	15
only let him come safe home, whom you are devouring in his absence. TRA.  You don't say what's either likely or true, you blockhead — as to any one devouring a person in his absence. GRU.  Indeed, you town wit, you minion of the mob,
¿ rus mihi tu objectas ?  Sane hoc, credo, Tranio, quod te in pistrinum scis actutum tradi. Cis hercle paucas tempestates, Tranio, augebis ruri numerum, genus ferratile. Nunc, dum tibi lubet licetque, pota, perde rem,	20
do you throw the country in my teeth?  Really, Tranio, I do believe that you feel sure that before long you'll be handed over to the mill.  Within a short period, i' faith, Tranio, you'll full soon be adding to the iron-bound race [2] in the country.  While you choose to, and have the opportunity, drink on, squander his property,
[Footnote 2:  The iron-bound race) — Ver. 19.  The gang of slaves, who, for their malpractices, are working in the country in chains.]
corrumpe erilem adulescentem optimum;  dies noctesque bibite, pergræcamini, amicas emite, liberate;  pascite parasitos;  obsonate pollucibiliter. ¿ Hæcine mandavit tibi, quom peregre hinc it, senex ?	25
corrupt my master's son, a most worthy young man, drink night and day, live like Greeks [3], make purchase of mistresses, give them their freedom, feed parasites, feast yourselves sumptuously.  Was it thus that the old gentleman enjoined you when he went hence abroad?
[Footnote 3:  Live like Greeks) — Ver. 22.  “Pergræcamini.” Though the Scene is at Athens, Plautus consults the taste of a Roman Audience, as on many other occasions, in making the Greeks the patterns of riotous livers.  Asconius Pedianus says that at these entertainments the Greeks drank off a cup of wine every time they named a Divinity or mentioned a friend.]
¿ Hocine modo hic rem curatam offendet suam ? ¿ Hocine boni esse officium servi existumas, ut eri sui corrumpat et rem et filium ? nam ego illum corruptum duco, quum his factis studet. Quo nemo adæque juventute ex omni Attica	30
Is it after this fashion that he will find his property well husbanded?  Do you suppose that this is the duty of a good servant, to be ruining both the estate and the son of his master?  For I do consider him as ruined, when he devotes himself to these goings on.  A person, with whom not one of all the young men of Attica
antehac est habitus parcus nec magis continens, is nunc in aliam partem palmam possidet. ¡ Virtute id factum tua et magisterio tuo ! TR.  ¿ Quid tibi, malum, me aut quid ego agam curatiost ? ¿ An ruri, quæso, non sunt, quos cures, boves ?	35
was before deemed equally frugal or more steady, the same is now carrying off the palm in the opposite direction.  Through your management and your tutoring has that been done. TRA.  What the plague business have you with me or with, what I do?  Prithee, haven't you got your cattle in the country for you to look to?
Lubet potare, amare, scorta ducere. Mei tergi facio hæc, non tui fiducia. GR.  ¿ Quam confidenter loquitur.  (Farts.)  TR.  At te Juppiter dique omnes perdant, fu, oboluisti alium. Germana illuvies, rusticus, hircus, hara suis,	40
I choose to drink, to intrigue, to keep my wenches; this I do at the peril of my own back, and not of yours.  GRU.  Then with what assurance he does talk!  (Turning away in disgust.)  Faugh!  TRA.  But may Jupiter and all the Deities confound you; you stink of garlick, you filth unmistakeable, you clod, you he-goat, you pig-sty,
cæno kopron commixte.  GR.  ¿ Quid vis fieri ? non omnes possunt olere unguenta exotica, si tu oles, neque superiores accumbere neque tam facetis quam tu vivis victibus.	44-45
you mixture of dog and she-goat. GRU.  What would you have to be done? It isn't all that can smell of foreign perfumes, if you smell of them;  or that can take their places at table above their master, or live on such exquisite dainties as you live upon.
¡ Tu tibi istos habeas turtures, piscis, avis !	46
Do you keep to yourself those turtle-doves, that fish, and poultry;
sine me aliato fungi fortunas meas. Tu fortunatu’s, ego miser :  patiunda sunt. ¡ Meum bonum me, te tuum maneat malum !	49-50
let me enjoy my lot upon garlick diet.  You are fortunate;  I unlucky.  It must be endured.  Let my good fortune be awaiting me, your bad yourself.
TR.  Quasi invidere mi hoc videre, Grumio,	51
You seem, Grumio, as though you envied me,
quia mihi bene est et tibi male est;  dignissumumst : decet me amare et te bubulcitari, me victitare pulchre, te miseris modis. GR.  O carnificium cribrum, quod credo fore :	55
TRA.  You seem, Grumio, as though you envied me, because I enjoy myself and you are wretched.  It is quite my due.  It's proper for me to make love, and for you to feed the cattle;  for me to fare handsomely, you in a miserable way.  GRU.  O riddle for the executioner [4], as I guess it will turn out;
[Footnote 4:  Riddle for the executioner) — Ver. 55.  Riddled with holes by the scourge of the executioner.]
ita te forabunt patibulatum per vias stimulis <carnufices>, si huc reveniat senex. TR.  ¿ Qui scis, an tibi istuc evenat prius quam mihi ? GR.  Quia numquam merui, tu meruisti et nunc meres. TR.  (shows him his fist)  Orationis operam compendi face,	60
they'll be so pinking you with goads, as you carry your gibbet [5] along the streets one day, as soon as ever the old gentleman returns here.  TERA.  How do you know whether that mayn't happen to yourself sooner than to me?  GRU.  Because I have never deserved it;  you have deserved it, and you now deserve it.  TRA.  Do cut short the trouble of your talking,
[Footnote 5:  You carry your gibbet) — Ver. 56.  Bearing his own cross;  a refinement of torture which was too often employed upon malefactors.]
nisi te mala re magna mactari cupis. GR.  ¿ Ervum daturi si estis, bubus quod feram ? ¡ Date !  Si non estis, agite, porro pergite, quoniam occepistis :  ¡ Bibite, pergræcamini, ēste, ecfercīte vos, saginam cædite !	65
unless you wish a heavy mischance to befall you.  GRU.  Are you going to give me the tares for me to take for the cattle?  If you are not, give me the money.  Go on, still persist in the way in which you've commenced! Drink, live like Greeks, eat, stuff yourselves, slaughter your fatlings!
TR.  Tace atque abi rus.  Ego ire in Piræum volo, in vesperum parare piscatum mihi. Ervom tibi aliquis cras, faciam, ad villam adferat.  (Grumio looks at him angrily.) ¿ Quid est ?  ¿ Quid tu me nunc optuere, furcifer ? GR.  Pol tibi istuc credo nomen actutum fore.	70
TRA.  Hold your tongue, and be off into the country;  I intend to go to the Piræus to get me some fish for the evening.  To-morrow I'll make some one bring you the tares to the farm.  What's the matter? Why now are you staring at me, gallows-bird?  GRU.  I' faith, I've an idea that will be your own title before long.
TR.  Dum interea sic sit, istuc actutum sino. GR.  Ita est.  Sed unum hoc scito :  nimio celerius veniet quod noles quam illud, quod cupide petas. TR.  (Shoves Grumio away.)  ¡ Molestus ne sis nunciam !  — I rus, te amove. Ne tu [erres] hercle præterhac mihi non facies moram. — ;	75
TRA.  So long as it is as it is, in the meantime I'll put up with that “before long.”  GRU.  That's the way; and understand this one thing, that that which is disagreable comes much more speedily than that which you wish for.  TRA.  Don't you be annoying;  now then, away with you into the country, and betake yourself off.  Don't you deceive yourself, henceforth you shan't be causing me any impediment.  (Exits to the left.)
GR.  (Alone)  ¿ Satin abiit neque quod dixi flocci existumat ?  (Raises his arms.) ¡ Pro di immortales, obsecro vostram fidem ! Facite, huc ut redeat noster quam primum senex, triennium qui jam hinc abest.  Priusquam omnia perierunt, et ædes et ager;  qui nisi huc redit,	80
GRU. (to himself).  Is he really gone?  Not to care one straw for what I've said!  O immortal Gods, I do implore your aid, do cause this old gentleman of ours, who has now been three years absent from here, to return hither as soon as possible, before everything is gone, both house and land.  Unless he does return here,
paucorum mensum sunt relictæ reliquiæ.  (Philolaches enters from the right.) Nunc rus abibo.  Nam eccum erilem filium video, corruptum ex adulescente optimo. — ;	83
remnants to last for a few months only are left.  Now I'll be off to the country;  but look!  I see my master's son, one who has been corrupted from having been a most excellent young man.  (Exits to the left.)
Scene I 2:  Philolaches Philolaches, the master’s son, enters the stage from right, goes to the middle and looks into the audience;  he puts his hand on his forehead.
I.ii PHILOLACHES  (To himself)  Recordatus multum et diu cogitavi argumentaque in pectus multa institui	85
I've often thought and long reflected on it, and in my breast have held many a debate, and in my heart
ego, atque in meo corde (si est quod mihi cor) eam rem volutavi et diu disputavi :  (takes a step forward.) hominem cujus rei, quando natus est, similem esse arbitrarer simulacrumque haberem. Id repperi jam exemplum.  (Points to the houses in the background.)	90
(if any heart I have) have revolved this matter, and long discussed it, to what thing I'm to consider man as like, and what form he has when he is born?  I've now discovered this likeness.
Novarum ædium esse arbitror similem ego hominem, quando natus est.  Ei rei argumenta dicam.  (Points to the people in the audience.) ¿ Atque hoc haud videtur veri simile vobis ? At ego id faciam esse ita ut credatis; profecto esse ita ut prædĭco vera vincam.	95
I think a man is like unto a new house when he is born.  I'll give my proofs of this fact.  (To the AUDIENCE:)  And does not this seem to you like the truth?  But so I'll manage that you shall think it is so.  Beyond a doubt I'll convince you that it is true what I say.
Atque hoc vosmet ipsi, scio, proinde uti nunc ego esse autumo, quando dicta audietis mea, haud aliter id dicetis. Auscultate, argumenta dum dico ad hanc rem : simul gnaruris vos volo esse hanc rem mecum.  (Points alternately to the houses in the background and the audience.)	100
And this yourselves, I'm sure, when you have heard my words, will say is no otherwise than just as I now affirm that it is.  Listen while I repeat my proofs of this fact;  I want you to be equally knowing with myself upon this matter.
Ædes quum extemplo sunt paratæ, expolitæ, factæ probe examussim, laudant fabrum atque ædes probant ;  sibi quisque inde exemplum expetunt ; sibi quisque similis vult suas ;  sumptum, operam parum parcunt suam. Atque ubi illo immigrat nequam homo, indiligens,	105
As soon as ever a house is built up, nicely polished off [1], carefully erected, and according to rule, people praise the architect and approve of the house, they take from it each one a model for himself.  Each one has something similar, quite at his own expense;  they do not spare their pains.  But when a worthless, lazy, dirty, negligent fellow betakes himself thither
[Footnote 1:  Polished off) — Ver. 101.  From this passage it would seem that pains were taken to give the houses a smooth and polished appearance on the outside.]
cum pigra familia, immundus, instrenuus, hic jam ædibus vitium additur, bonæ quum curantur male. Atque illud sæpe fit :  tempestas venit, confringit tegulas imbricesque :  ibi dominus indiligens reddere alias non vult ;	110
with an idle family, then is it imputed as a fault to the house, while a good house is being kept in bad repair.  And this is often the case;  a storm comes on and breaks the tiles and gutters;  then a careless owner takes no heed to put up others.
venit imber, perlavit parietes, perpluunt, tigna putrefacit, perdit operam fabri : nequior factus jam est usus ædium. Atque ea haud est fabri culpa, sed magna pars morem hunc induxerunt :  si quid nummo sarciri potest,	115
A shower comes on and streams down the walls;  the rafters admit the rain;  the weather rots the labours of the builder;  then the utility of the house becomes diminished;  and yet this is not the fault of the builder.  But a great part of mankind have contracted this habit of delay;  if anything can be repaired by means of money,
usque mantant neque id faciunt, donec parietes ruunt :  Ædificantur ædes totæ denuo.  (Turns to face the audience.) Hæc argumenta ego ædificiis dixi.  Nunc etiam volo dicere, uti homines ædium esse similīs arbitremini. Primum parentes fabri liberum sunt :	120
they are always still putting it off, and don't do it until the walls come tumbling down [2];  then the whole house has to be built anew.  These instances from buildings I've mentioned;  and now I wish to inform you how you are to suppose that men are like houses.  In the first place then, the parents are the builders-up of the children
[Footnote 2:  Walls come tumbling down) — Ver. 117.  Warner remarks that a sentiment not unlike this is found in Scripture, Ecclesiastes, x. 18:  “By much slothfulness, the building decayeth;  and through idleness of the hands the house droppeth through.”  It may be also observed that the passage is very similar to the words of the parable of the foolish man who built his house upon sand, St. Matthew, vii. 26:  “And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon that house, and it fell; and great was the fall thereof.”]
ei fundamentum substruunt liberorum; extollunt, parant sedulo in firmitatem et, ut et in usum boni et in speciem populo sint sibique, haud materiæ reparcunt nec sumptus ibi sumptui ducunt esse ;	125
and lay the foundation for the children;  they raise them up, they carefully train them to strength, and that they may be good both for service and for view before the public.  They spare not either their own pains or their cost, nor do they deem expense in that to be an expense.
expoliunt :  Docent litteras, jura, leges, sumptu suo et labore nituntur, ut alii sibi esse illorum similes expetant. Ad legionem quum ita paratos mittunt, adminiclum eis dant tum jam, aliquem cognatum suum.	130
They refine them, teach them literature, the ordinances, the laws;  at their own cost and labor they struggle, that others may wish for their own children to be like to them.  When they repair to the army, they then find them some relation [3] of theirs as a protector.
[Footnote 3:  Find them some relation) — Ver. 130.  In the first year of military service the Roman youths were placed under the tutelage of some relation or friend.]
Eatenus.  Abeunt a fabris.  Unum ubi emeritum est stipendium, igitur tum specimen cernitur, quo eveniat ædificatio.  (Points to himself.) Nam ego ad illud frugi usque et probus fui, in fabrorum potestate dum fui. Postea, quum immigravi ingenium in meum,	135
At that moment they pass out of the builder's hands.  One year's pay has now been earned;  at that period, then, a sample is on view how the building will turn out.  But I was always discreet and virtuous, just as long as I was under the management of the builder.  After I had left him to follow the bent of my own inclinations,
Perdidi operam fabrorum ilico oppido. Venit ignavia ;  ea mihi tempestas fuit ; mi adventu suo grandinem imbremque attulit ; hæc verecundiam mi et virtutis modum deturbavit detexitque a me ilico.	140
at once I entirely spoiled the labors of the builders.  Idleness came on;  that was my storm;  on its arrival, upon me it brought down hail and showers, which overthrew my modesty and the bounds of virtue, and untiled them for me in an instant.
Postilla obtegere eam neglegens fui. Continuo pro imbre amor advēnit :  pluit in corpus meum. Is usque in pectus permanavit, permadefecit cor meum. Nunc simul res, fides, fama, virtus, decus deseruerunt :  ego sum in usu factus nimio nequior.	145
After that I was neglectful to cover in again;  at once passion like a torrent entered my heart;  it flowed down even unto my breast, and soaked through my heart.  Now both property, credit, fair fame, virtue, and honor have forsaken me; by usage have I become much worse,
(Points at himself.)  Atque edepol ita hæc tigna umiditate putent :  Non videor mihi sarcire posse ædes meas, quin totæ perpetuæ ruant, quum fundamenta perierint nec quisquam esse auxilio queat.  (He walks slowly to the left side of the stage.) Cor dolet, quum scio ut nunc sum atque ut fui, quo neque industrior de juventute erat	150
and, i' faith (so rotten are these rafters of mine with moisture), I do not seem to myself to be able possibly to patch up my house to prevent it from falling down totally once for all, from perishing from the foundation, and from no one being able to assist me.  My heart pains me, when I reflect how I now am and how I once was, than whom in youthful age not one there was
quisquam nec clarior arte gymnastica : disco, hastis, pila, cursu, armis, equo victitabam volup ; parsimonia et duritia discipulinæ aliis eram ; optimi quique expetebant a me doctrinam sibi.	155
more active in the arts of exercise [4], with the quoit, the javelin, the ball, racing, arms, and horses.  I then lived a joyous life [5];  in frugality and hardihood I was an example to others;  all, even the most deserving, took a lesson from me for themselves.
[Footnote 4:  In the arts of exercise) — Ver. 151.  “Arte gymnastica.”  Literally, “in the gymnastic art.”]
[Footnote 5:  Lived a joyous life) — Ver. 153.  “Victitabam volup.”  Lambinus suggests that the true reading here is “haud volup,” “not voluptuously.”]
Nunc, postquam nihili sum, id vero meopte ingenio repperi.  (With a gesture of hopelessness Philolaches walks to the side of the stage near his father’s house.)	156
Now that I'm become worthless, to that, indeed, have I hastened through the bent of my inclinations.
Scene I 3:  Philematium the (former?) courtesan, Scapha the handmaid, Philolaches the son, and a slave. Philematium comes out of Theopropides’ house together with Scapha and a slave (who remains silent).  Scapha carries a mirror, a cosmetics kit, hand towels and various cosmetics;  the slave carries various transportable chairs and a small table.  Philolaches stands waiting on the left side.
I.iji PHILEMATIUM  Jam pridem, ecastor, frigida non lavi magis libenter nec quum me melius, mea Scapha, rear esse deficatam. SC.  Eventus rebus omnibus, velut horno messis magna fuit.  PHILEM.  ¿ Quid ea messis attinet ad meam lavationem ?	160
PHILE.  On my word, for this long time I've not bathed in cold water with more delight than just now;  nor do I think that I ever was, my dear Scapha, more thoroughly cleansed than now.  SCA.  May the upshot of everything be unto you like a plenteous year's harvest.  PHILE.  What has this harvest got to do with my bathing?
SC.  Nihilo plus quam lavatio tua ad messim.  PHILOL.  (Listening to this and, turned to the audience, saying to himself: )  O Venus venusta, hæc illa est tempestas mea, mihi quæ modestiam omnem detexit, tectus qua fui ;  tum mihi Amor et Cupido in pectus perpluit meum, neque jam umquam obtegere possum : madent jam in corde parietes, periere hæc oppido ædes.	165
SCA.  Not a bit more than your bathing has to do with the harvest.  PHILO. (apart).  O beauteous Venus, this is that storm of mine which stripped off all the modesty with which I was roofed;  through which Desire and Cupid poured their shower into my breast;  and never since have I been able to roof it in.  Now are my walls soaking in my heart;  this building is utterly undone.
PHILEM.  Contempla, amabo, mea Scapha, satin hæc me vestis deceat. Volo me placere Philolachi, meo ocello, meo patrono. SC.  ¿ Quin tu te exornas moribus lepidis, quum lepida tute es ? non vestem amatores amant mulieris, sed vestis fartum. PHILOL. (To himself)  Ita me di ament, ¡ lepida’st Scapha !  ¡ Sapit scelesta multum !	170
PHILE.  Do look, my Scapha, if you would, whether this dress quite becomes me.  I wish to please Philolaches my protector, the apple of my eye.  SCA.  Nay but, you set yourself off to advantage with pleasing manners, inasmuch as you yourself are pleasing.  The lover isn't in love with a woman's dress, but with that which stuffs out [1] the dress.  PHILO. (apart).  So may the Gods bless me, Scapha is waggish;  the hussy's quite knowing.
[Footnote 1:  That which stuffs out) — Ver. 169.  That is, the body.]
¡ Ut lepide omnes mores tenet sententiasque amantum ! PHILEM.  ¿ Quid nunc ?  SC.  ¿ Quid est ?  PHILEM.  Quin me aspice et contempla, ut hæc me deceat. SC.  Virtute formæ id evenit, te ut deceat quidquid habeas. PHILOL. (To himself.)  Ergo ob istuc verbum te, Scapha, donabo ego hodie aliqui, neque patiar te istanc gratiis laudasse, quæ placet mi.	175
How cleverly she understands all matters, the maxims of lovers too!  PHILE.  Well now?  SCA.  What is it?  PHILE.  Why look at me and examine, how this becomes me.  SCA.  Thanks to your good looks, it happens that whatever you put on becomes you.  PHILO. (apart).  Now then, for that expression, Scapha, I'll make you some present or other to-day, and I won't allow you to have praised her for nothing who is so pleasing to me.
PHILEM.  Nolo ego te assentari mihi.  SC.  Nimis tu quidem stulta es mulier. ¡ Eho ! ¿ Mavis vituperari falso, quam vero extolli ? equidem pol vel falso tamen laudari multo mālo, quam vero culpari aut meam speciem alios irridere.	179-180
PHILE.  I don't want you to flatter me.  SCA.  Really you are a very simple woman.  Come now, would you rather be censured undeservedly, than be praised with truth?  Upon thy faith, for my own part, even though undeservedly, I'd much rather be praised than be found fault with with reason, or that other people should laugh at my appearance.
PHILEM.  Ego verum amo ;  verum volo dici mihi :  mendacem odi.	181
PHILE.  I love the truth;  I wish the truth to be told me;  I detest a liar.
SC.  Ita tu me ames, ita Philolaches tuus te amet, ut venusta es. PHILOL. (To himself.)  ¿ Quid ais, scelesta ?  ¿ Quo modo adjurasti ?  ¿ “Ita ego istam amarem” ? ¿ Quid “istæc me” ?  ¿ Id cur non additum est ?  Infecta dona facio. Periisti :  quod promiseram tibi donum, perdidisti.	185
SCA.  So may you love me, and so may your Philolaches love you, how charming you are.  PHILO. (apart).  How say you, you hussy?  In what words did you adjure?  “So may I love her?”  Why wasn't “So may she love me” added as well?  I revoke the present.  What I just now promised you is done for;  you have lost the present.
SC.  Equidem, pol, miror tam catam, tam docilem te et bene doctam nunc stultam stulte facere.  PHILEM.  Quin mone quæso, si quid erro. SC.  Tu, ecastor, erras, quæ quidem illum expectes unum atque illi morem præcipue sic geras atque alios asperneris. Matronæ, non meretricium est, unum inservire amantem.	190
SCA.  Troth, for my part I am surprised that you, a person so knowing, so clever, and so well educated, are not aware that you are acting foolishly.  PHILE.  Then give me your advice, I beg, if I have done wrong in anything.  SCA.  I' faith, you certainly do wrong, in setting your mind upon him alone, in fact, and humoring him in particular in this way and slighting other men.  It's the part of a married woman, and not of courtesans, to be devoted to a single lover.
PHILOL. (To himself.)  Pro Juppiter, nam ¿ quod malum versatur meæ domi illud ? Di deæque me omnes pessimis exemplis interficiant, nisi ego illam anum interfecero siti fameque atque algu. PHILEM.  Nolo ego mihi male te, Scapha, præcipere.  SC.  Stulta es plane, quæ illum tibi æternum putes fore amicum et benevolentem.	195
PHILO. (apart).  O Jupiter! Why, what pest is this that has befallen my house?  May all the Gods and Goddesses destroy me in the worst of fashions, if I don't kill this old hag with thirst, and hunger, and cold.  PHILE.  I don't want you, Scapha, to be giving me bad advice.  SCA.  You are clearly a simpleton, in thinking that he'll for everlasting be your friend and well-wisher.
Moneo ego te :  te ille deseret ætate et satietate. PHILEM.  Non spero.  SC.  Insperata accidunt magis sæpe quam quæ speres. Postremo, si dictis nequis perduci, ut vera hæc credas mea dicta, ex factis nosce rem.  ¿ Vides quæ sim ;  et quæ fui ante ? Nihilo ego, quam nunc tu, amata sum atque uni modo gessi morem :	200
I warn you of that;  he'll forsake you by reason of age and satiety.  PHILE.  I hope not.  SCA.  Things which you don't hope happen more frequently than things which you do hope.  In fine, if you cannot be persuaded by words to believe this to be the truth, judge of my words from facts;  consider this instance, who I now am, and who I once was.  No less than you are now, was I once beloved, and I devoted myself to one,
qui pol me, ubi ætate hoc caput colorem commutavit, reliquit deseruitque me.  Tibi idem futurum credo. PHILOL. (To himself.)  Vix comprimor, quin involem illi in oculos stimulatrici. PHILEM.  Illi me soli censeo esse oportere obsequentem Solam ille me soli sibi suo sumptu liberavit.	205
who, faith, when with age this head changed its hue, forsook and deserted me.  Depend on it, the same will happen to yourself.  PHILO. (apart).  I can scarcely withhold myself from flying at the eyes of this mischief-maker.  PHILE.  I am of opinion that I ought to keep myself alone devoted to him, since to myself alone has he given freedom for himself alone.
PHILOL. (To himself.)  ¡ Pro di immortales, mulierem lepidam et pudico ingenio ! Bene, hercle, factum et gaudeo mihi nil esse hujus causa. SC.  Inscita, ecastor, tu quidem es.  PHILEM.  ¿ Quapropter ?  SC.  Quæ istuc cures, ut te ille amet.  PHILEM.  ¿ Cur, obsecro, non curem ?  SC.  Libera es jam. Tu jam, quod quærebas, habes.  Ille te nisi amabit ultro,	210
PHILO. (apart)  O ye immortal Gods!  What a charming woman, and of a disposition how chaste!  By heaven, ’tis excellently done, and I'm rejoiced at it, that it is for her sake I've got nothing left.  SCA.  On my word you really are silly.  PHILE.  For what reason?  SCA.  Because you care for this, whether he loves you.  PHILE.  Prithee, why should I not care for it?  SCA.  You now are free.  You've now got what you wanted;  if he didn't still love you,
id pro tuo capite quod dedit, perdiderit tantum argenti. PHILOL. (To himself.)  Perii, hercle, ni ego illam pessimis exemplis enicasso. Illa hanc corrumpit mulierem malesuada. PHILEM.  Numquam ego illi possum gratiam referre ut meritu’st de me. Scapha, ¡ id tu mihi ne suadeas, ut illum minoris pendam !	215
as much money as he gave for your liberty, he'd lose.  PHILOL. (apart).  Heavens, I'm a dead man if I don't torture her to death after the most shocking fashion.  That evil-persuading enticer to vice is corrupting this damsel.  PHILE.  Scapha, I can never return him sufficient thanks for what he deserves of me;  don't you be persuading me to esteem him less.
SC.  At hoc unum facito cogites :  si illum inservibis solum, dum tibi nunc hæc ætatula’st, in senecta male quereris. PHILOL. (To himself.)  In anginam ego nunc me velim verti, ut veneficæ illi fauces prehendam atque enicem scelestam stimulatricem. PHILEM.  Eundem animum oportet nunc mihi esse gratum, ut impetravi,	220
SCA.  But take care and reflect upon this one thing, if you devote yourself to him alone, while now you are at this youthful age, you'll be complaining to no purpose in your aged years.  PHILO. (apart).  I could wish myself this instant changed into a quinsy, that I might seize the throat of that old witch, and put an end to the wicked mischief-maker.  PHILE.  It befits me now to have the same grateful feelings since I obtained it,
atque olim, priusquam id extudi, quum illi subblandiebar. PHILOL. (To himself.)  ¡ Divi me faciant quod volunt, ni ob istam orationem te liberavero denuo et ni Scapham enicavero ! SC.  Si tibi sat acceptum est fore tibi victum sempiternum atque illum amatorem tibi proprium futurum in vita,	225
as formerly before I acquired it, when I used to lavish caresses upon him.  PHILO. (apart).  May the Gods do towards me what they please, if for that speech I don't make you free over again, and if I don't torture Scapha to death.  SCA.  If you are quite assured that you will have a provision to the end, and that this lover will be your own for life,
soli gerundum censeo morem et capiendas crines. PHILEM.  Ut fama est homini, exin solet pecuniam invenire. Ego si bonam famam mihi servavero, sat ero dives. PHILOL. (To himself.)  Siquidem, hercle, vendundu’st pater, venibit multo potius, quam te me vivo unquam sinam egēre aut mendicare.	230
I think that you ought to devote yourself to him alone, and assume the character of a wife [2].  PHILE.  Just as a person's character is, he's in the habit of finding means accordingly;  if I keep a good character for myself I shall be rich enough.  PHILO. (apart).  By my troth, since selling there must be, my father shall be sold much sooner than, while I'm alive, I'll ever permit you to be in want or go a-begging.
[Footnote 2:  Assume the character of a wife) — Ver. 226.  “Capiendas crines.”  (Crinis is feminine here.)  Literally, “the hair must be assumed.”  Festus says that it was usual on the occasion of the marriage ceremony, to add six rows of curls to the hair of the bride, in imitation of the Vestal virgins, who were patterns of purity, and were dressed in that manner.  Hence the term “capere crines” came to signify “to become a wife.”]
SC.  ¿ Quid illis futurum est ceteris qui te amant ?  PHILEM. Magis amabunt, quum me videbunt gratiam referre rem ferenti. PHILOL. (To himself.)  ¡ Utinam nunc meus emortuus pater ad me nuntietur esse, ut ego exheredem meis bonis me faciam atque hæc sit heres ! SC.  Jam ista quidem absumpta res erit :  Dies noctesque editur, bibitur,	235
SCA.  What's to become of the rest of those who are in love with you?  PHILE.  They'll love me the more when they see me displaying gratitude to one who has done me services.  PHILO. (apart).  I do wish that news were brought me now that my father’s dead, that I might disinherit myself of my property, and that she might be my heir.  SCA.  This property of his will certainly soon be at an end; day and night there's eating and drinking,
neque quisquam parsimoniam adhibet :  sagina plane est. PHILOL.(To himself.)  In te, hercle, certum’st principe ut sim parcus experiri, ¡ nam neque edes quicquam neque bibes apud me his decem diebus ! PHILEM.  Si quid tu in illum bene voles loqui, id loqui licebit : Nec recte si illi dixeris, jam, ecastor, vapulabis.	240
and no one displays thriftiness;  ’tis downright cramming [3].  PHILO. (apart).  I’ faith, I'm determined to make trial on yourself for the first to be thrifty;  for you shall neither eat nor drink anything at my house for the next ten days.  PHILE.  If you choose to say anything good about him, you shall be at liberty to say it;  if you speak otherwise than well, on my word you shall have a beating instantly.
[Footnote 3:  ’Tis downright cramming) — Ver. 236.  “Sagina plane est.”  “Sagina” was the term applied to the fattening or cramming of animals for the purpose of killing.  The use of the term implies Scapha’s notion of the bestial kind of life that Philolaches was leading.]
PHILOL. (To himself.)  Edepol, si summo Jovi bono argento sacrificassem, pro illius capite quod dedi, numquam æque id bene locassem. Videas eam medullitus me amare.  Oh, probus homo sum : Quæ pro me causam diceret, patronum liberavi. SC.  Video te nihili pendĕre præ Philolache omnes homines.	245
PHILO. (apart).  Upon my faith, if I had paid sacrifice to supreme Jove with that money which I gave for her liberty, never could I have so well employed it.  Do see, how, from her very heart’s core, she loves me!  Oh, I'm a fortunate man;  I've liberated in her a patron to plead my cause for me.  SCA.  I see that, compared with Philolaches, you disregard all other men;
Nunc, ne ejus causa vapulem, tibi potius assentabor. si acceptum satis habes tibi fore illum amicum sempiternum. PHILEM.  Cedo mihi speculum et cum ornamentis arculam actutum, Scapha, ornata ut sim, quum huc adveniat Philolaches, voluptas mea. SC. (Gives her the mirror.)  Mulier quæ se suamque ætatem spernit, speculo ei usus est :	250
now, that on his account I mayn't get a beating, I'll agree with you in preference, if you are quite satisfied that he will always prove a friend to you.  PHILE.  Give me the mirror [4], and the casket with my trinkets, directly, Scapha, that I may be quite dressed when Philolaches, my delight, comes here.  SCA.  A woman who neglects herself and her youthful age has occasion for a mirror;
[Footnote 4:  Give me the mirror) — Ver. 248.  Probably a mirror with a handle, such as the servants usually held for their mistresses.  There is something comical in the notion of a female coming out into the street to make her toilet.]
¿ Quid opu’st speculo tibi, quæ tute speculo speculum es maximum ? PHILOL. (To himself.)  Ob istuc verbum, ne nequiquam, Scapha, tam lepide dixeris, dabo aliquid hodie peculii — tibi, Philematium mea. PHILEM.  ¿ Suo quique loco (¿ vide’n ?) capillus satis compositu’st commode ? SC.  ¡ Ubi tu commoda es, capillum commodum esse credito !	255
what need of a mirror have you, who yourself are in especial a mirror for a mirror?  PHILO. (apart).  For that expression, Scapha, that you mayn’t have said anything so pretty in vain, I'll to-day give something for your savings — to you, my Philematium.  PHILE. (while SCAPHA is dressing her hair).  Will you see that each hair is nicely arranged in its own place?  SCA.  When you yourself are so nice, do believe that your hair must be nice.
PHILOL. (To himself.)  ¡ Vah !  ¿ Quid illa potest pejus quicquam muliere memorari ? Nunc assentatrix scelesta est.  ¡ Dudum adversatrix erat ! PHILEM.  Cĕdo cerussam.  SC. (Not giving the cosmetic to her.)  ¿ Quid cerussā opu’st nam ?  PHILEM.  Ut malas oblinam. SC.  Unā operā, era, ebur atramento candefacere postules. PHILOL. (To himself.)  Lepide dictum de atramento atque ebore.  Eugæ, plaudo Scaphæ.	260
PHILO. (apart).  Out upon it!  What worse thing can possibly be spoken of than this woman?  Now the jade's a flatterer, just now she was all contradictory.  PHILE.  Hand me the ceruse [5].  SCA.  Why, what need of ceruse have you?  PHILE.  To paint my cheeks with it.  SCA.  On the same principle, you would want to be making ivory white with ink.  PHILO. (apart).  Cleverly said that, about the ink and the ivory!  Bravo!  I applaud you, Scapha.
[Footnote 5:  Hand me the ceruse) — Ver. 258.  White lead, or “cerussa,” was used by the Roman women for the purpose of whitening the complexion.  Ovid mentions it in his “Treatise on the Care of the Complexion,” L 73.  In the south, light skin color was considered beautiful.]
PHILEM.  Tum tu igitur cedo purpurissum.  SC.  Non do.  Scita es tu quidem. ¿ Novā picturā interpolare vis opus lepidissimum ? Non istanc ætatem oportet pigmentum ullum attingere, neque cerussam neque Melinum, neque aliam ullam offūciam. PHILEM.  Cape igitur speculum.  (Kisses the mirror and hands it to Scapha.)  PHILOL. (To himself.)  Ei mihi misero, savium speculo dedit.	265
PHILE.  Well then, do you give me the rouge.  SCA.  I shan't give it.  You really are a clever one.  Do you wish to patch up a most clever piece with new daubing?  It's not right that any paint should touch that person, neither ceruse, nor quince-ointment, nor any other makeup.  Take the mirror, then.  (Hands her the mirror.) PHILO. (apart.)  Ah wretched me! — She gave the glass a kiss.
Nimis velim lapidem, qui ego illi speculo dimminuam caput. SC. (Hands her a washcloth.)  Linteum cape atque exterge tibi manus.  PHILEM.  ¿ Quid ita, obsecro ? SC.  Ut speculum tenuisti, metuo ne olant argentum manus. Ne usquam argentum te accepisse suspicetur Philolaches. PHILOL. (To himself.)  Non videor vidisse lenam callidiorem ullam alias.	270
I could much wish for a stone, with which to break the head of that glass.  SCA.  Take the towel and wipe your hands.  PHILE.  Why so, prithee?  SCA.  As you've been holding the mirror, I'm afraid that your hands may smell of silver;  lest Philolaches should suspect you've been receiving silver somewhere.  PHILO. (apart).  I don't think that I ever did see any procuress more cunning.
¡ Ut lepide atque astute in mentem venit de speculo malæ ! PHILEM.  ¿ Etiamne unguentis unguendam censes ?  SC.  Minime feceris. PHILEM.  ¿ Quapropter ?  SC.  Quia, ecastor, mulier recte olet, ubi nil olet. Nam istæ veteres, quæ se unguentis unctitant, interpoles, vetulæ, edentulæ, quæ vitia corporis fuco occulunt,	275
How cleverly and artfully did it occur to the jade's imagination about the mirror!  PHILE.  Do you think I ought to be perfumed with unguents as well?  SCA.  By no means do so.  PHILE.  For what reason?  SCA.  Because, i’ faith, a woman smells best [6] when she smells of nothing at all.  For those old women who are in the habit of anointing themselves with unguents, vamped up creatures, old hags, and toothless, who hide the blemishes of the person with paint,
[Footnote 6:  A woman smells best) — Ver. 273.  Cicero and Martial have a similar sentiment;  their opinion has been followed by many modern writers, and other persons as well.]
ubi sese sudor cum unguentis consociavit, ilico itidem olent, quasi cum unā multa jura confudit coquus. Quid olant nescias, nisi id unum, ut male olēre intellegas. PHILOL. (To himself.)  ¡ Ut perdocte cuncta callet !  Nihil hac docta doctius. (To the audience.)  Verum illud est :  Maxima adeo pars vestrorum intellegit,	280
when the sweat has blended itself with the unguents, forthwith they stink just like when a cook has poured together a variety of broths;  what they smell of, you don't know, except this only, that you understand that badly they do smell.  PHILO. (apart).  How very cleverly she does understand everything!  There's nothing more knowing than this knowing woman!  (To the AUDIENCE.)  This is the truth, and a very great portion, in fact, of you know it,
quibus anūs domi sunt uxores, quæ vos dote meruerunt. PHILEM.  Agedum, contempla aurum et pallam, ¿ sati’n hæc me deceat, Scapha ? SC.  Non me istud curare oportet.  PHILEM.  ¿ Quem, obsecro, igitur ?  SC.  Eloquar : Philolachem.  Is ne quid emat, nisi quod sibi placere censeat.	284-285
who have old women for wives at home who purchased you with their portions.  PHILE.  Come now;  examine my golden trinkets and my mantle;  does this quite become me, Scapha?  SCA.  It befits not me to concern myself about that.  PHILE.  Whom then, prithee?  SCA.  I'll tell you:  Philolaches.  So that he may not buy anything except that which he fancies will please you.
Nam amator meretricis mores sibi emit auro et purpura.	286
For a lover buys the favors of a mistress for himself with gold and purple garments.
¿ Quid opu’st, quod suum esse nolit, ei ultro ostentari ? Purpura ætati occultandæ’st, aurum turpi mulieri. pulchra mulier nuda erit quam purpurata pulchrior. (Post nequiquam exornata est bene, si morata est male.	290
What need is there for that which he doesn’t want as his own, to be shown him still?  Age is to be enveloped in purple;  gold ornaments are for an ugly woman.  A beautiful woman will be more beautiful naked than one dressed in purple.  (Besides, it’s in vain she’s well-dressed if she's ill-conducted;
Pulchrum ornatum turpes mores pejus cæno collinunt.) Nam si pulchra est, nimis ornata est.  PHILOL. (To himself.)  Nimis diu abstineo manum.  (Runs to the women.) ¿ Quid hic vos agitis ?  PHILEM.  Tibi me exorno ut placeam.  PHILOL. Ornata es satis. (To Scapha.) Abi tu hinc intro atque ornamenta hæc aufer.  (Scapha goes into the house.)  Sed, voluptas mea, mea Philematium, potare tecum collibitum est mihi.	295
ill-conduct soils fine ornaments worse than dirt.)  But if she's beauteous, she's sufficiently adorned.  PHILO. (apart).  Too long have I withheld my hand.  (Coming forward.)  What are you about here?  PHILE.  I'm decking myself out to please you.  PHILO.  You are dressed enough.  (To SCAPHA.)  Go you hence indoors, and take away this finery.  (SCAPHA goes into the house.)  But, my delight, my Philematium, I have a mind to regale together with you.
PHILEM.  Et, edepol, mihi tecum, nam quod tibi libet idem mihi libet, mea voluptas.  PHILOL.  Em istuc verbum vile est viginti minis. PHILEM.  Cedo, amabo, decem :  Bene emptum tibi dare hoc verbum volo. PHILOL.  Etiamnum decem minæ apud te sunt ;  vel rationem puta. Triginta minas pro capite tuo dedi.  PHILEM.  ¿ Cur exprobras ?	300
PHILE.  And, i’ faith, so I have with you;  for what you have a mind to, the same have I a mind to, my delight.  PHILO.  Ha!  At twenty minae that expression were cheap.  PHILE.  Give me ten, if you would;  I wish to let you have that expression bought a bargain.  PHILO.  You've already got ten minae with you;  or reckon up the account:  thirty minae I gave for your freedom — PHILE.  Why reproach me with that?
PHILOL.  ¿ Egone id exprobrem, qui mihimet cupio id opprobrari ? Nec quicquam argenti locavi jam diu usquam æque bene. PHILEM.  Certe ego, quod te amo, operam nusquam melius potui ponere. PHILOL.  Bene igitur ratio accepti atque expensi inter nos convenit : tu me amas, ego te amo ;  merito id fieri uterque existimat.	305
PHILO.  What, I reproach you with it?  Why, I had rather that I myself were reproached with it;  no money whatever for this long time have I ever laid out equally well.  PHILE.  Surely, in loving you, I never could have better employed my pains.  PHILO.  The account, then, of receipts and expenditure fully tallies between ourselves;  you love me, I love you.  Each thinks that it is so deservedly.
Hæc qui gaudent, gaudeant perpetuo suo semper bono ; qui invident, ¡ ne umquam eorum quisquam invideat prosus commodis ! PHILEM.  Age, accumbe igitur.  (To a slave.)  Cedo aquam manibus, puere, appone hic mensulam. Vide, tali ubi sint.  (To Philolaches.)  ¿ Vi(s)’n(e) unguenta ?  PHILOL.  ¿ Quid opu’st ?  Cum stacta accubo. (Loud noises are heard;  he sees Callidamates and Delphium coming.) Sed ¿ estne hic meus sodalis, qui huc incedit cum amica sua ?	310
Those who rejoice at this, may they ever rejoice at the continuance of their own happiness.  Those who envy, let not any one henceforth be ever envious of their blessings.  PHILE.  (Pointing to a couch on the stage).  Come, take your place, then.  (to a SERVANT, who obeys.)  Boy, bring some water for the hands;  put a little table here.  See where are the dice.  Would you like some perfumes?  (They recline on the couch.)  PHILO.  What need is there?  Along with myrrh I am reclining.  But isn’t this my friend who's coming hither with his mistress?
Is est, Callidamates cum amica incedit.  Eugæ, oculus meus, conveniunt manuplares eccos :  prædam participes petunt.	312
’Tis he;  it’s Callidamates;  look, he's coming.  Capital!  My sweet one, see, our comrades are approaching;  they're coming to share the spoil.
Scene I 4:  Callidamates, Delphium, Philolaches, Philematium, Servi. Callidamates comes in swaying drunkenly with his girlfriend Delphium, accompanied by two slaves.  They remain standing in the foreground.  In the background Philolaches and Philematium engage in conversation.
I.iv CALLIDAMATES (To a slave.)  Adversum veniri mihi ad Philolachem volo tempore.  ¡ Audi !  Em, tibi imperatum est.  (The slaves exit right.) (To the audience.)  Nam illic ubi fui, inde effugi foras ;	315
CALL. (to his SERVANT).  I want you to come for me [1] in good time to the house of Philolaches.  Listen you!  Well then!  Those are your orders.  (Exit SERVANT.)  For from the place where I was, thence did I betake myself off;
[Footnote 1:  You to come for me) — Ver. 313.  Though none of the Editions say so, it is not improbable that this is said to Phaniscus, who, in the sequel, comes to fetch Callidamates home.  The duties of the “adversitor” have been alluded to in a previous Note.]
ita me ibi male convivi sermonisque tæsum’st. Nunc comissatum ibo ad Philolachetem, ubi nos hilari ingenio et lepide accipient. (To Delphium.)  ¿ Ecquid tibi videor ma-m-ma-madēre ?	319
so confoundedly tired was I there with the entertainment and the discourse.  Now I'll go to Philolaches to have a bout;  there he'll receive us with jovial feelings and handsomely.  (To Delphium.)  Do I seem to you to be fairly drenched, my bubsy?
DELPHIVM  Semper isto modo Moratu’s, uti eb-eb-eb-bibas.	320-321
DEL.  You are always acting like that, in accordance with the way you drink.
CALL.  ¿ Visne ego te ac tu me amplectere ? DEL.  Si tibi cordi est facere, licet.  CALL.  Lepida es.  (Embraces her and is on the verge of falling.) Duce me, amabo.  DEL.  ¡ Cave ne cadas !  ¡ Asta ! CALL.  O-o-ocellus es meus ;  (Lays his head on her breast.)  tuus sum alumnus, mel meum.	325
CALL.  Should you like, then, for me to hug you, and you me?  DEL.  If you've a mind to do so, of course.  CALL.  You are a charming one.  (He stumbles.)  Do hold me up, if you would.  DEL.  (holding him by the arm).  Take care you don’t fall.  Stand up.  CALL.  O!  You are the apple of my eye.  I’m your fosterling, my honey.  (He stumbles.)
DEL.  ¡ Cave modo, ne prius in via accumbas, quam illic, ubi lectus est stratus, coimus ! CALL.  Sine, sine cadere me.  (Slowly falls to the ground.)  DEL.  Sino, sed et hoc quod mihi in manu est : Si cades, non cades quin cadam tecum.  (Lies down on the ground next to Callidamates.) CALL.  Jacentes tollet postea nos ambos aliquis.	330
DEL. (still holding him up).  Only do take care that you don't recline in the street, before we get to a place where a couch is ready laid.  CALL.  Do let me fall.  DEL.  Well, I'll let you.  (Lets go, and CALL. falls slowly, dragging her as he falls).  But that as well which I've got hold of in my hand.  If you fall, you shan't fall without me falling with you.  (Lies down on the ground next to Callidamates.)  CALL.  Then some one shall pick us both up as we lie.
DEL.  Madet homo.  CALL.  ¿ Tun me ais ma-m-ma-madere ? DEL.  Cedo manum, nolo equidem te affligi. CALL.  ¡ Em tene !  DEL. (Pulls him up again.)  Age, i simul. CALL.  ¿ Quo ego eam ?  DEL.  ¿ An scis ? CALL.  Scio, in mentem vēnit modo : ¿ Nempe domum eo comissatum ?	335
(Aside.) The man's quite drenched.  CALL.  (overhearing).  Do you say that I am drenched, my bubsy?  DEL.  Give me your hand;  I really do not want you hurt.  CALL.  (giving his hand).  There now, take it.  DEL.  Come, move on with me.  CALL.  Where am I going, do you know?  DEL.  I know.  CALL.  It has just come into my head:  why, of course, I'm going home for a booze, right?
DEL. (Points to Theopropides’s house.)  Immo, istuc quidem.  CALL.  Jam memini.	335a
DEL.  Why yes, and, in fact, right here.  CALL.  Now I remember.
PHILOL. (To Philematium.)  ¿ Num non vis me obviam hisce ire, anime mi ?  (Philematium nods.) Illi ego ex omnibus optime volo. Jam revertar.  (Runs to Callidamates.)  PHILEM. (Stays in the house.)  Diu est « jam » id mihi. CALL.  ¿ Ecquis hic est ?  PHILOL.  Adest.  CALL.  Eu, ¡ Philolaches ! Salve, amicissime mi omnium hominum.	340
PHILO.  Won't you let me go to find them, my life?  Of all persons I wish well to him especially.  I'll return just now.  (Goes forward towards the door.)  PHILE.  That “just now” is a long time to me.  CALL.  (going to the door and knocking).  Is there any person here?  PHILO.  ’Tis he.  CALL.  (turning round).  Bravo!  Philolaches, good day to you, most friendly to me of all men.
PHILOL. (Leads him to a sofa in front of the house.)  ¡ Di te ament !  Accuba, Callidamates. ¿ Unde agis te ?  CALL.  Unde homo ebrius probe. PHILEM. (To Delphium.)  ¿ Quin, amabo, accubas, Delphium mea ?  (Delphium lies down beside Callidamates.) PHILOL. (To a slave.)  Da illi quod bibat.  CALL.  Dormiam ego jam.  (Falls asleep.) PHILEM. (To Delphium.)  ¿ Num mirum aut novum quippiam facit ?	345
PHILO.  May the Gods bless you.  (Pointing to a couch.) Take your place, Callidamates.  (He takes his place.) Whence are you betaking yourself? CALL.  Whence a drunken man does.  PHILE.  Well said.  But, my Delphium, do take your place, if you would.  (She takes her place on a couch.)  PHILO.  Give her something to drink.  CALL.  I shall go to sleep directly.  (Nods and goes to sleep.)  PHILE.  Is he doing anything marvelous or strange?
DEL.  ¿ Quid ego hoc faciam postea, mea ?  PHILEM.  Sic sine eumpse. PHILO. (To the slave.)  ¡ Age, tu interim da ab Delphio cito cantharum circum !  (They drink and have a good time.)	347
DEL. Let him alone just as he is.  PHILO.  Come, you boy.  Meanwhile, speedily pass the goblet round, beginning with Delphium.
ACTUS II Scene II 1:  Tranio, Philolaches, Callidamates, Delphium, Philematium, Servi Tranio enters the stage from the left side and at first runs around the place, all the while talking excitedly to himself and then, in part somewhat contemptuously, at the audience.  At first the drinkers in the background do not notice him.
II.i TRANIO  Juppiter supremus summis opibus atque industriis me periisse et Philolachetem cupit, erilem filium. Occidit Spes nostra, nusquam stabula est Confidentiæ,	350
TRA. (to himself.).  Supreme Jove, with all his might and resources, is seeking for me and Philolaches, my master's son, to be undone.  Our hopes are destroyed;  nowhere is there any hold for courage;
nec Salus nobis saluti jam esse, si cupiat, potest : Ita mali, mæroris montem maximum ad portum modo conspicatus sum :  Erus advenit peregre, periit Tranio. (To the audience.)  ¿ Ecquis homo est, qui facere argenti cupiat aliquantum lucri, qui hodie sese excruciari meam vicem possit pati ?	355
not even Salvation [1] now could save us if she wished.  Such an immense mountain of woe have I just now seen at the harbor:  my master has arrived from abroad;  Tranio is undone!  (To the AUDIENCE.)  Is there any person who'd like to make gain of a little money, who could this day endure to take my place in being tortured?
[Footnote 1:  Not even Salvation) — Ver. 351.  This was a proverbial expression among the Romans.  “Salus,” “Safety” or “Salvation,” was worshipped as a Goddess at Rome.  It is well observed, in Thornton's translation, that the word “Salus” may, without irreverence, be translated “Salvation,” on no less authority than that of Archbishop Tillotson.  “If,” says he, “men will continue in their sins, the redemption brought by Christ will be of no advantage to them;  such as obstinately persist in an impenitent course,” “ipsa si velit Salus, servare non potest.”  “Salvation itself cannot save them.”  (See, e.g., the Captivi, 1. 535, and the Note to the passage.)]
Ubi sunt isti plagipatidæ, ferritribaces viri, vel isti qui hosticas trium nummum causā subeunt sub falas, ¿ ubi est aliquis qui denis hastis corpus transfigi solet ? Ego dabo ei talentum, primus qui in crucem excucurrerit ; sed ea lege, ut offigantur bis pedes, bis bracchia.	360
Where are those fellows hardened to a flogging, the wearers-out of iron chains, or those, who, for the consideration of three didrachms, would get beneath besieging towers [2], where some are in the way of having their bodies pierced with ten spears?  I'll give a talent to that man who shall be the first to run to the cross for me;  but on condition that twice his feet, twice his arms [3] are fastened there.
[Footnote 2:  Beneath besieging towers) — Ver 357.  “Falæ” were wooden towers, placed on the top of walls or fortified places;  of course the attack of these would imply extreme danger to those who attempted it.]
[Footnote 3:  Twice his feet, twice his arms) — Ver. 360.  Some suppose that by “bis pedes, bis brachia,” he means that two nails were to be driven into each leg and foot.  It seems more probable that be means two for the feet and two for the hands.]
Ubi id erit factum, a me argentum petito præsentarium. Sed ego  —  ¿ sumne infelix, qui non curro curriculo domum ?  (Runs to Philolaches.) PHILOL. (Sees Tranio and calls out happily to the others.)  ¡ Adest, adest obsonium !  ¡ Eccum, Tranio a portu redit ! TR.  ¡ Philolaches !  PHILOL.  ¿ Quid est ?  TR.  Et ego et tu  — ;  PHILOL.  ¿ Quid “et ego et tu…” ?  TR.  ¡ Periimus ! PHILOL.  ¿ Quid ita ?  TR.  ¡ Pater adest !  PHILOL.  ¿ Quid ego ex te audio ?  TR.  Absumpti sumus.	365
When that shall have been done, then ask the money down of me.  But am I not a wretched fellow, not at full speed to be running home?  PHILO.  Here come the provisions;  see, here's Tranio;  he's come back from the harbor.  TRA.  (running).  Philolaches!  PHILO.  What's the matter?  TRA.  Both I and you — PHILO.  What about “Both I and you?”  TRA.  Are undone!  PHILO.  Why so?  TRA.  Your father's here.  PHILO.  What is it I hear of you? TRA.  We are finished up.
Pater, inquam, tuus venit.  PHILOL.  ¿ Ubi is est, obsecro ?  TR.  ¿ Ubi is est ?  ¡ Adest ! PHILOL.  ¿ Quis id ait ?  ¿ Quis vidit ?  TR.  Egomet, inquam, vidi. PHILOL.  ¡ Væ mihi ! ¿ Quid ego ago nunc ?  TR.  ¿ Quid tu, malum, me rogitas, quid agas ?  Accubas. PHILOL.  ¿ Tute’n vidisti ?  TR.  Egomet, inquam.  PHILOL.  ¿ Certe ?  TR.  Certe, inquam.  PHILOL.  Occĭdi, si tu vera memoras.  TR.  ¿ Quid mihi sit boni, si mentiar ?	370
Your father's come, I say.  PHILO. (starting up.)  Where is he, I do entreat you?  TRA.  He's coming.  PHILO.  Coming?  Who says so?  Who has seen him?  TRA.  I saw him myself, I tell you.  PHILO.  Woe unto me!  what am I about?  TRA.  Why the plague now do you ask me, what you are about?  Taking your place at table, of course.  PHILO.  Did you see him?  TRA.  I my own self, I tell you.  PHILO.  For certain?  TRA.  For certain, I tell you.  PHILO.  I'm undone, if you are telling the truth.  TRA.  What good could it be to me if I told a lie?
PHILOL.  ¿ Quid ego nunc faciam ?  TR.  Jube hæc hinc omnia amoliri. (Sees the sleeping Callidamates.)  ¿ Quis istic dormit ?  PHILOL.  Callidamates.  TR. (To Delphium.)  ¡ Suscita istum, Delphium ! DEL. (Shakes Callidamates.)  ¡ Callidamates, Callidamates, vigila !  CALL.  Vigilo.  ¡ Cĕdo ut bibam ! DEL.  ¡ Vigila !  Pater advenit peregre Philolachæ.  CALL.  ¡ Valeat pater ! PHILOL.  Valet ille quidem — ¡ atque ego disperii !  CALL.  ¿ Bis periisti ?  ¿ Qui potest ?	375
PHILO.  What shall I do now?  TRA.  (pointing to the table and couches).  Order all these things to be removed from here.  (Pointing.) Who's that asleep there?  PHILO.  Callidamates.  TRA.  Arouse him, Delphium.  DEL.  (bawling out in his ear).  Callidamates!  Callidamates!  Awake!  CALL.  (raising himself a little).  I am awake;  give me something to drink.  DEL.  Awake;  Philolaches’ father has arrived from abroad.  CALL.  I hope his father's well.  PHILO.  He is well indeed;  but I am utterly undone.  CALL.  You’ve died a second time? How can that be?
PHILOL.  ¡ Quæso, edepol, exsurge !  Pater advenit.  CALL.  ¿ Tuus venit pater ? Jube abire rursum.  ¿ Quid illi reditio etiam huc fuit ?  (Sinks back again.) PHILOL.  ¿ Quid ego agam ?  Pater jam hic me offendet miserum adveniens ebrium, ædes plenas convivarum et mulierum.  Miserum est opus, igitur demum fodere puteum, ubi sitis fauces tenet ;	380
PHILO.  By heavens!  Do get up, I beg of you;  my father has arrived.  CALL.  Your father has come?  Bid him go back again.  What business had he to come back here so soon?  (Sinks back again.)  PHILO.  What am I to do?  My father will, just now, be coming and unfortunately finding me amid drunken carousals, and the house full of revellers and women.  It's a shocking bad job, to be digging a well at the last moment, just when thirst has gained possession of your throat;
sicut ego adventu patris nunc quæro quid faciam miser. TR. (Pointing to Callidamates.)  Ecce autem :  hic deposivit caput et dormit.  ¡ Suscita ! PHILOL. (Shakes Callidamates awake.)  ¿ Etiam vigilas ?  Pater, inquam, aderit jam hic meus.  CALL.  ¿ Ai(s)-n(e) tu “Pater” ? Cĕdo soleas mihi, ut arma capiam.  Jam pol ego occidam patrem. PHILOL.  ¡ Perdis rem !  DEL. (To Callidamates.)  Tace, amabo.  TR. (To the other slaves.)  Abripite hunc intro actutum inter manus.  (They lift Callidamates up and start carrying him into the house.)	385
just as I, on the arrival of my father, wretch that I am, am now enquiring what I am to do.  TRA.  (pointing to CALLIDAMATES).  Why look, he has laid down his head and gone to sleep.  Wake him up.  PHILO.  (shaking him).  Will you awake now?  My father, I tell you, will be here this instant.  CALL.  How say you?  Your father?  Give me my shoes, that I may take up arms.  On my word, I'll kill your father this instant.  PHILO.  (seizing hold of him).  You're spoiling the whole business.  DEL.  Do hold your tongue.  TR. (To the other slaves.)  Carry him off in your arms into the house right now.  (They lift Callidamates up and start carrying him into the house.)
CALL. (Exclaiming, as he is carried in.)  Jam hercle ego vos pro matula habebo, nisi mihi matulam datis. PHILOL. (To Tranio.)  Perii.  TR.  Habe bonum animum ;  ego istum lepide medicabo metum. PHILOL.  ¡ Nullus sum !  TR.  ¡ Taceas !  Ego, qui istæc sēdem, meditabor tibi. ¿ Sati’n habes, si ego advenientem ita patrem faciam tuum, non modo ne intro eat, verum etiam ut fugiat longe ab ædibus ?	390
CALL. (As he is being carried in.).  Upon my faith, I'll be making a chamber pot of you just now, if you don't find me one.  (He is carried off into the house.)  PHILO. (To Tranio.)  I'm undone!  TRA.  Be of good courage;  I'll cleverly find a remedy for this alarm.  PHILO.  I'm utterly ruined!  TRA.  Do hold your tongue;  I'll think of something by means of which to alleviate this for you.  Are you satisfied, if on his arrival I shall so manage your father, not only that he shall not enter, but even that he shall run away to a distance from the house?
(To the returning slaves.) Vos modo hinc abite intro atque hæc hinc propere amolimini.  (The slaves pick up all of the objects in front of the house and carry them inside.) PHILOL.  ¿ Ubi ego ero ?  TR.  Ubi maxime esse vis :  (Points to Delphium.) cum hac (And points to Philematium who is standing next to Philolaches.), cum istac eris. DEL.  ¿ Quid si igitur abeamus hinc nos ?  TR.  Non hoc longe, Delphium. Nam intus potate haud tantillo hac quidem causa minus. PHILOL.  ¡ Ei mihi, quum istæc blanda dicta quo eveniant madeo metu !	395
(To the returning slaves.)  Do you only be off from here in-doors, and remove these things from here with all haste.  PHILO.  Where am I to be?  TRA.  Where you especially desire:  (pointing to DELPHIUM) with her;  (pointing to PHILEMATIUM standing next to him.)  with this girl, too, you'll be.  DEL.  How then?  Are we to go away from here?  TRA.  Not far from here, Delphium.  For carouse away in the house not a bit the less on account of this.  PHILO.  Ah me!  I'm in a sweat with fear as to how these fine words are to end!
TR. (To Philolaches.)  ¿ Poti(s)n(e), animo ut sis quieto et facias, quod jubeo ?  PHILOL.  Potest. TR. (To the women.)  Omnium primum, Philematium, intro abi, et tu, Delphium. DEL.  Morigeræ tibi erimus ambæ. — ;  TR.  ¡ Ita ille faxit Juppiter !  (The women go into the house.) (To Philolaches.)  Animum adverte nunciam tu quæ volo accurari. Omnium primum :  Hæc ædes jam, face, occlusæ sient.	400
TRA.  Can you not be tranquil in your mind, and do as I bid you?  PHILO.  I can be.  TRA.  In the first place of all, Philematium, do you go in-doors;  and you, Delphium.  DEL.  We’ll both be obedient to you.  (They go into the house.)  TRA.  May Jupiter grant it so!  Now then, do you give attention as to what I’d have attended to.  In the first place, then, before anything, cause the house to be shut up at once.
Intus cave, muttire quemquam siveris.  PHILOL.  Curabitur. TR.  Tamquam si intus natus nemo in ædibus habitet.  PHILOL.  Licet. TR.  Neu quisquam responset, quando hasce ædes pultabit senex. PHILOL.  ¿ Numquid aliud ?  TR.  Clavem mi harum ædium Laconicam jam jube efferri intus :  Hasce ego ædes occludam hinc foris.	405
Take care and don't let any one whisper a word in-doors.  PHILO.  Care shall be taken.  TRA.  Just as though no living being were dwelling within the house.  PHILO.  Very well.  TRA.  And let no one answer, when the old gentleman knocks at the door.  PHILO.  Anything else?  TRA.  Order the master-key [4] of the house to be brought me at once from within;  this house I'll lock here on the outside.
[Footnote 4:  Order the master-key) — Ver. 404.  “Clavem … Laconicam;”  literally, “the Laconian key.”  This was a kind of key originally invented by the Spartans, by means of which a door could be locked from the outside, but not from within.  According to some, this key was called “Laconica,”  from its rough appearance, in allusion to the inelegant exterior of the Spartans.  In his Thesmophoriazusae, Aristophanes informs us that these keys had three wards.]
PHILOL.  In tuam custodelam meque et meas spes trado, Tranio. — ; TR.  Plumā haud interest, patronus an cliens probior siet.  (Philolaches goes into the house.)	407-408
PHILO.  To your charge I commit myself, Tranio, and my hopes.  (He goes into the house, and the things are removed from the stage.)  TRA.  (to himself).  It matters not a feather whether the patron or his dependant is the better.
Scene II 2:  Tranio, Sphærio
TR. (Alone.)  Homini, cui nulla in pectore est audacia,	409
TRANIO. (Alone.)  On a man who has no courage in his breast,
quamvis dēsubito facile est facere nequiter — nam cuivis homini, vel optimo vel pessimo. Verum id videndum est, id viri docti est opus, quæ dissignata sint et facta nequiter, tranquille cuncta et ut proveniant sine malo, ne quid potiatur, quam ob rem pigeat vivere.	415
it is easy to play a trick at any time — indeed any man, be he very good or very bad.  But this must be looked to, this is the duty of a prudent man, that what has been planned and done in craftiness, may all come about smoothly and without mishap;  so that he may not have to put up with anything by reason of which he might be loath to live;
Sicut ego efficiam, quæ facta hic turbavimus, profecto ut liqueant omnia et tranquilla sint neque quicquam nobis pariant ex se incommodi.  (Sphærio comes out of the house with the key.) Sed ¿ quid tu egredere, Sphærio ?  SPHÆRIO (Excitedly.)  Jam, jam … TR. (Interrupts him, seeing the key.)  Optime	419
just as I shall manage, that, from the confusion which we shall here create, all shall really go on smoothly and tranquilly, and not produce us any inconvenience in the results.  (Enter Sphærio, from the house.) But, why have you come out?  SPHÆRIO.  Just now, just now…  (Sphærio shows him the key.)  TR. (Seeing the key, interrupts him.)  O very well,
præceptis paruisti.  SPH.  Jussit maximo opere orare, ut patrem aliquo absterreres modo, ne intro iret ad se.  TR.  Quin etiam illi hoc dicito: facturum me, ut ne etiam aspicere ædes audeat — capite obvoluto ut fugiat cum summo metu. Clavem cĕdo atque abi intro atque occlude ostium,	425
you've obeyed my orders most opportunely.  SPH.  He bade me most earnestly to entreat you some way or other to scare away his father, that he may not enter the house.  TRA.  Even more, tell him this, that I'll cause that he shan't venture even to look at the house, and to take to flight, covering up his head [5] with the greatest alarm.  Give me the key (taking it), and be off indoors, and lock the door,
[Footnote 5:  Covering up his head) — Ver. 424.  With the ancients, when either ashamed or alarmed at anything, it was the custom to throw a part of the dress over the head, as a hood.]
et ego hinc occludam.  (Tranio takes the key, Sphærio locks the door from the inside, Tranio from the outside.)  Jube venire nunciam. Ludos ego hodie vivo præsenti hīc seni faciam, quod credo mortuo numquam fore. Concedam a foribus huc;  hinc speculabor procul. Unde advenienti sarcinam imponam seni.  (Tranio goes to the right side and stands waiting.)	430
and I'll lock it on this side.  (Sphærio goes into the house, and Tranio locks the door.)  Bid him now come forthwith.  For the old gentleman here while still alive this day will I institute games [6] in his presence, such as I fancy there will never be for him when he's dead.  (Moving away.)  I'll go away from the door to this spot;  hence, I'll look out afar in which direction to lay the burden on the old fellow on his arrival.  (Goes off to the right a little distance and waits.)
[Footnote 6:  Will I institute games) — Ver. 427.  He plays on the double meaning of “ludos,” which means either “tricks,” or “funeral games” in honor of the dead, according to the context.]
Scene II 3:  Theopropides, Tranio, Servi Theopropides and his baggage-carrying slaves appear to the left.  Tranio at first makes comments about Theopropides’s statements without the latter noticing him.
II.ii THEOPROPIDES  Habeo, Neptune, gratiam magnam tibi, quum me amisisti a te vix vivum domum. Verum si posthac me pedem latum modo scies imposuisse in undam, haud causa’st ilico, — quod nunc voluisti facere — quin facias mihi.	435
(Enter THEOPROPIDES, followed by ATTENDANTS.)  THEO. (to himself.)  Neptune, I do return extreme thanks to thee that thou hast just dismissed me from thee, though scarce alive.  But if, from this time forward, thou shalt know that I have placed only a foot in breadth in the water, there is no reason why, at that very instant — what thou hast just now wanted to do — thou shouldst not do to me.
¡ Apage, apage te a me :  nunciam post hunc diem quod crediturus tibi fui, omne credidi ! TR. (To himself, facing the audience.)  ¡ Edepol, Neptune, peccavisti, largiter, qui occasionem hanc amisisti tam bonam ! TH.  Triennio post Ægypto advenio domum ;	440
¡ Away with you, away with you from me !  After today all of what I was to entrust to thee I have now entrusted.  (Enter TRANIO, overhearing him.)  TRA. (apart.)  By my troth, Neptune, you've been much to blame, to have lost this opportunity so fair.  THEO.  After three years, I've arrived home from Egypt.
credo exspectatus veniam familiaribus. TR. (To himself, facing the audience.)  Nimio edepol ille potuit exspectatior venire, qui te nuntiaret mortuum. TH. (Sees the locked door.)  Sed ¿ quid hoc ?  Occlusa janua est interdius. Pultabo.  (Knocks and calls out.)  Heus, ¿ ecquis intu’st ?  ¿ Aperiti(s)n(e) fores ?	445
I shall come a welcome guest to my household, I suppose.  TRA.  (apart.)  Upon my faith, he might have come a much more welcome one who had brought the tidings you were dead.  THEO.  (looking at the door.)  But what means this?  Is the door shut in the daytime?  I'll knock.  (Knocks at the door.)  Hallo, there!  is any one going to open this door for me?
TR. (Steps forward, remains at some distance and speaks with dignified formality.)  ¿ Quis homo est, qui nostras ædes accessit prope ? TH.  Meus servus hic quidem est Tranio.  TR.  O Theopropides, ere, salve, salvum te advenisse gaudeo. ¿ Usque-n(e) valuisti ?  TH.  Usque, ut vides.  TR.  Factum optime. TH.  ¿ Quid vos ?  ¿ Insani-n estis ?  TR.  ¿ Quīdum ?  TH.  Sic, quia	450
TRA.  (coming forward and speaking aloud.)  What person is it that has come so near to our house?  THEO.  Surely this is my servant Tranio.  TRA.  O Theuropides, my master, welcome;  I'm glad that you've arrived in safety.  Have you been well all along?  THEO.  All along, as you see. TRA.  That’s very good.  THEO.  What about yourselves?  Are you all mad?  TRA.  Why so?  THEO.  For this reason,
foris ambulatis, natus nemo in ædibus servat, neque qui recludat neque respondeat. Pultando pæne confregi hasce ambas fores. TR. (Affecting horror.)  ¿ Eho, an tu tetigisti has ædes ?  TH.  ¿ Cur non tangerem ?	454-455
because you are walking about outside;  not a born person is keeping watch in the house, either to open or to give an answer.  With kicking with my feet I've almost broken in the panels?  TRA. (Affecting horror.)  Whoa:  Have you been touching this house?  THEO.  Why shouldn't I touch it?
Quin pultando, inquam, pæne confregi foris.	456
Why, with knocking on it, I tell you, I’ve almost broken down the door.
TR.  ¿ Tetigistin ?  TH.  Tetigi, inquam, et pultavi.  TR. Vah.  TH.  ¿ Quid est ? TR.  ¡ Male hercle factum !  TH.  ¿ Quid est negoti ?  TR.  Non potest dici, quam indignum facinus fecisti et malum. TH.  ¿ Quid jam ?  TR.  ¡ Fuge, obsecro, atque abscede ab ædibus !	460
TRA.  What, you touched it?  THEO.  I touched it, I tell you, and knocked at it.  TRA.  Out upon you!  THEO.  Why so?  TRA.  By heavens!  ’Twas ill done.  THEO.  What is the matter? TRA.  It cannot be expressed, how shocking and dreadful a mischief you've been guilty of.  THEO.  How so?  TRA.  Take to flight, I beseech you, and get away from the house.
Fuge huc, fuge ad me propius.  (Theopropides backs away from the door a bit and gets closer to Tranio, who asks again.)  ¿ Tetigisti-n fores ? TH.  ¿ Quo modo pultare potui, si non tangerem ? TR.  Occīdisti hercle … ;  TH.  ¿ Quem mortalem ?  TR.  … omnes tuos. TH.  ¡ Di te deæque omnes faciant cum istoc omine … ! TR.  Metuo, te atque istos expiare ut possies.	465
Flee in this direction, flee closer to me.  (He runs towards TRANIO.)  What, did you touch the door?  THEO.  How could I knock without touching it?  TRA.  By all that's holy, you've been the death…  THEO.  Of what person?  TRA.  Of all your family.  THEO.  May all the Gods and Goddesses confound you with that omen….  TRA.  I'm afraid that you can't make satisfaction for yourself and those [slaves].
TH.  ¿ Quam ob rem ?  Aut ¿ quam subito rem mihi apportas novam ? …	466a
THEO.  For what reason, or what new affair is this that you are thus suddenly telling me about?
TR. (Pointing to Theopropides’s slaves.)  ¡ Et heus, jube illos illinc ambo abscedere ! TH. (To the slaves.)  ¡ Abscedite !  (The slaves back off from the house and approach Tranio.)  TR. (Kneels down and places his hands on the ground.  To Theopropides and the slaves:)  Ædes ne attingatis.  Tangite vos quoque terram. TH. (bewildered.)  Obsecro hercle, ¿ quin eloqueris rem ?	469a
TRA.  And (whispering) hark you, prithee, do bid those people to move away from here.  (Pointing to the ATTENDANTS of THEOPROPIDES.)  THEO.  (to the ATTENDANTS).  More away from here.  TRA.  Don't you touch the house.  Touch you the ground [1] as well.  (Exeunt the ATTENDANTS.)  THEO.  I’ faith, prithee, do speak out now.
[Footnote 1:  Touch you the ground ) — Ver. 468/9.  The ancients were in the habit of reverentially touching the earth when engaged in any affairs that related to the dead or the infernal Deities.]
TR.  Quia septem menses sunt, quum in hasce ædes pedem nemo intro tetulit, semel ut emigravimus. TH.  Eloquere, ¿ quid ita ?  TR. (With anxiety.)  ¡ Circumspice dum !  ¿ Num quis est, sermonem nostrum qui aucupet ?  TH. (Calms him down.)  Tutum probe’st. TR.  ¡ Circumspice etiam !  TH. (Looks around several times.)  Nemo est.  Loquere nunciam. TR. (Imploringly and anxiously)  Capitale scelus factum est.  TH.  ¿ Quid est ?  Non intellego.	475
TRA.  Because it is now seven months that not a person has set foot within this house, and since we once for all left it.  THEO.  Tell me, why so?  TRA.  Just look around, whether there's any person to overhear our discourse.  THEO. (looking around.)  All's quite safe.  TRA.  Look around once more.  THEO.  (looking around.)  There’s nobody;  now then, speak out.  TRA. (in a loud whisper.)  The house has been guilty of a capital offence [2].  THEO. I don't understand.
[Footnote 2:  Guilty of a capital offence) — Ver. 475.  “Capitale scelus factum est”;  meaning that a murder had been committed in it.]
TR.  Scelus, inquam, factum est jam diu, antiquum et vetus. TH.  ¿ Antiquum ?  TR.  Id adeo nos nunc factum invenimus. TH.  ¿ Quid istuc est sceleris ?  ¿ Aut quis id fecit ?  ¡ Cĕdo ! TR.  Hospes necavit hospitem captum manu ; iste, ut ego opinor, qui has tibi ædes vendidit.	480
TRA.  A crime, tell you, has been committed there, a long while ago, one of olden time and ancient date.  THEO.  Of ancient date?  TRA.  ’Tis but recently, in fact, that we’ve discovered this deed.  THEO.  What is this crime, or who committed it?  Tell me.  TRA.  A host slew his guest, seized with his hand:  he, I fancy, who sold you the house.
TH.  ¿ Necavit ?  TR.  Aurumque ei ademit hospiti eumque hic defodit hospitem ibidem in ædibus. TH.  ¿ Quapropter id vos factum suspicamini ? TR.  Ego dicam, ausculta.  Ut foris cenaverat tuus gnatus, postquam rediit a cena domum,	485
THEO.  Slew him?  TRA.  And robbed this guest of his gold, and buried this guest there in the house, on the spot.  THEO.  For what reason do you suspect that this took place?  TRA.  I'll tell you;  listen.  One day, when your son had dined away from home, after he returned home from dining;
abimus omnes cubitum ;  condormivimus. Lucernam forte oblitus fueram exstinguere ; atque ille exclamat derepente maximum. TH. (Interrupts him.)  ¿ Quis homo ?  ¿ An gnatus meus ?  TR. (Exasperatedly.)  ¡ St !  Tace, ausculta modo. Ait venisse illum in somnis ad se mortuum.	490
we all went to bed, and fell asleep.  By accident, I had forgotten to put out my lamp;  and he, all of a sudden, called out aloud — THEO.  What person?  My son?  TRA.  Hist!  hold your peace:  just listen.  He said that a dead man came to him in his sleep —
TH.  ¿ Nempe ergo … in somnis ?  TR.  Ita.  Sed ausculta modo. Ait illum hoc pacto sibi dixisse mortuum … TH.  ¿ In somnis ?  TR.  ¿ Mirum quin vigilanti diceret, qui abhinc sexaginta annos occisus foret ? Interdum inepte stultus es.	495
THEO.  In his dreams, then, you mean?  TRA.  Just so.  But only listen.  He said that he had met with his death by these means — THEO.  What, in his sleep?  TRA.  It would have been surprising if he had told him awake, who had been murdered sixty years ago.  On some occasions you are absurdly simple.
TH.  Taceo.  TR.  Sed ecce quæ illi in somnis mortuus (He speaks with lowered voice.) “Ego Transmarinus hospes sum Diapontius. Hic habito, hæc mihi dedita est habitatio. Nam me Acheruntem recipere Orcus noluit, quia præmature vita careo.  Per fidem	500
But look what he said: “I am a guest, Diapontius, from beyond the seas;  here do I dwell;  this has been assigned me as my abode;  for Orcus would not receive me in Acheron, because prematurely I lost my life.  Through confiding
deceptus sum.  Hospes me hic necavit, isque me defodit insepultum clam in hisce ædibus, scelestus, auri causa.  ¡ Nunc tu hinc emigra ! Scelestæ hæ sunt ædes, impia est habitatio.”  (Abruptly ends his tale.) Quæ hic monstra fiunt, anno vix possum eloqui.  (Noises come from the house.  Tranio approaches the door.)	505
was I deceived: my entertainer slew me here, and that villain secretly laid me in the ground without funereal rites, in this house, on the spot, for the sake of gold.  Now do you depart from here;  this house is accursed, this dwelling is defiled.”  The monstrosities that here take place, hardly in a year could I recount them.  (Noises are heard coming from the house.)
TH.  St, st. TR.  ¿ Quid, obsecro hercle, factum est ?  TH.  Concrepuit foris. TR. (Points at the house allegedly containing the ghost.)  ¿ Hicine percussit ?  TH. (Terrifed.)  Guttam haud habeo sanguinis, Vivum me accersunt ad Acheruntem mortui. TR. (To himself.)  ¡ Perii !  (Looks at the house, says softly to himself and the audience.)  Illi hodie hanc conturbabunt fabulam.	510
Hush, hush!  (He starts.)  THEO.  Troth now, what has happened, prithee?  TRA.  The door made a noise.  Was it he that was knocking?  THEO.  (turning pale.)  I have not one drop of blood!  Dead  men are come to fetch me to Acheron, while alive!  TRA.  (Aside.)  I'm undone!  Those people there will mar my plot.
(Looks at Theopropides, speaks softly to himself and the audience.)  Nimis quam formido ne manifesto hic me opprimat. TH.  ¿ Quid tute tecum loqueris ?  (Comes up to Tranio at the door.)  TR.  ¡ Abscede ab janua ! ¡ Fuge, obsecro, hercle !  TH.  ¿ Quo fugiam ?  — ¡ Etiam tu fuge ! TR.  Nil ego formido.  Pax mihi est cum mortuis.  (Shoves Theopropides away from the door.) INTUS. (A voice from inside the house.)  ¡ Heus, Tranio !  TR. (Speaking into the house. )  Non me appellabis, si sapis.	515
(A noise is heard from within.)  How much I dread, lest he should catch me in the fact.  THEO.  What are you talking about to yourself?  (Approaches the door.)  TRA.  Do get away from the door.  By heavens, flee, I do beseech you.  THEO.  Flee where?  Flee yourself, as well.  TRA.  I am not afraid:  I am at peace with the dead.  A VOICE (from within.)  Hallo!  Tranio! [3].  TRA. (in a low voice, speaking into the house.)  You won't be calling me if you are wise.
[Footnote 3:  Hallo!  Tranio! ) — Ver. 515. Weise’s Edition gives these words to Theopropides.  Rost, no doubt rightly, suggests that these words are spoken by Philolaches from inside (perhaps in a low voice, to ask Tranio how matters are going on).  On this, Tranio turns it to good account, by pretending that the Ghost is calling out to him for his supposed impiety in daring to knock at the door.]
(Aloud.)  Nihil ego commerui, neque istas percussi fores. THEO.  Quæso … ;  TR. (Speaking into the house.)  ¡ Cave, verbum facias !  TH. (Coming closer again.)  ¡ Dic, quid segreges sermonem ! TR.  ¡ Apage hinc te !  TH.  ¿ Quæ res te agitat, Tranio ? ¿ Quicum istæc loqueris ?  TR. (Acts surprised.)  ¿ An, quæso, tu appellaveras ? Ita me di amabunt, mortuum illum credidi	520
(Aloud, as if speaking to the APPARITION.)  ’Tis not I that’s guilty;  I did not knock at the door.  THEO.  Pray, ….  TRA. (Speaking into the house.)  Be careful not to say a word!  THEO. (Coming closer again.)  Tell me, why are you readdressing your conversation?  TRA.  Get away!  THEO.  What matter is agitating you, Tranio?  To whom are you saying these things?  TRA. (Acts surprised.)  Prithee, was it you that called me?  So may the Gods bless me, I fancied it was this dead man
expostulare, quia percussisses fores. Sed tu, ¿ etiamne astas, nec quæ dico obtemperas ? TH.  ¿ Quid faciam ?  TR.  ¡ Cave, respicias !  ¡ Fuge !  ¡ Operi caput ! TH. (Suspectingly)  ¿ Cur non fugis tu ?  TR.  Pax mihi est cum mortuis. TH.  Scio.  ¿ Quid modo igitur … ?  ¿ Cur tanto opere extimueras ?	525
expostulating because you had knocked at the door.  But are you still standing there, and not doing what I advise you?  THEO.  What am I to do?  TRA.  Take care not to look back.  Flee;  cover up your head!  THEO. (With suspicion.)  Why don't you flee?  TRA.  I am at peace with the dead.  THEO.  I recollect.  Why then were you so dreadfully alarmed just now?
TR.  Nil me curaverīs, inquam, ego mihi providero : tu, ut occepisti, tantum quantum quis, fuge, atque Herculem invoca.  TH. (Runs off the stage to the left, followed by his slaves.)  ¡ Hercules, te invoco ! TR. (Alone, commenting)  Et ego —, tibi hodie ut det, senex, magnum malum. Pro di immortales, obsecro vestram fidem,	530
TREA.  Have no care for me, I tell you;  I'll see to myself.  You, as you have begun to do, flee as quickly as ever you can;  And call on Hercules, too [4].  THEO.  Hercules, I do call on thee!  (Runs off.)  TRA. (to himself.)  And I, as well, [call on Hercules,] old fellow, that this day he'll send some heavy mishap upon you. O ye immortal Gods, I do implore your aid.
[Footnote 4:  Hercules, too) — Ver. 528.  Hercules, having slain so many monsters, was naturally regarded as a Deity likely to give aid in extreme danger.]
¡ Quid ego hodie negotii confeci mali !  (Remains standing, exhausted.)	531
Plague on it!  What a mess I have got into today! (Exit.)
ACTUS III Scene III 1:  Danista, Tranio, Theopropides A mortgage banker comes onto the stage from the right and first speaks to the audience.  Tranio stands in shocked fright.
DANISTA (To himself, gesturing with desperation.)  Scelestiorem ego annum argento fenori nunquam ullum vidi quam hic mihi annus obtigit. A mani ad noctem usque in foro dego diem, locare argenti nemini nummum queo.  (Remains on the right side, continuing to make comical gestures of desperation.)	535
(Enter a BANKER, on the right side of the stage.)  BAN. (to himself.)  I never knew any year worse for money upon interest, than this year has turned out to me.  From morning even until night, I spend my time in the Forum; I cannot lend out a coin of silver to any one.
TR. (To himself.)  Nunc, pol, ego perii plane in perpetuum modum. Danista adest, qui dedit argentum fenore, unde amica est empta, quōque opus in sumptus fuit. Manifesta res est, nisi quid occurro prius, ne hoc senex resciscat.  Ibo huic obviam.  (Theopropides appears again on the left of the stage.)	540
(Enter TRANIO.)  TRA. (apart.)  Now, faith, I am clearly undone in an everlasting way!  The Banker’s here who found the money with which his mistress was bought.  The matter's all out, unless I meet him a bit beforehand, so that the old man may not at present come to know of this.  I'll go meet him.
Sed ¿ quidnam hic sese tam cito recipit domum ? Metuo ne de hac re quippiam inaudiverit. Accedam atque appellabo.  ¡ Ei, quam timeo miser ! Nil est miserius quam animus hominis conscius, sicut me male habet.  Verum, utut res sese habet,	545
But (seeing THEOPROPIDES) I wonder why he has so soon betaken himself homeward again.  I'm afraid that he has heard something about this affair.  I'll meet him and accost him.  But how dreadfully frightened I am!  Nothing is more wretched than the mind of a man with a guilty conscience, such as distresses myself.  But however this matter turns out,
pergam turbare porro :  Ita hæc res postulat.  (Goes to Theopropides on the left side.) ¿ Unde īs ?  THEOPROPIDES  Conveni illum unde hasce ædes emeram. TR.  ¿ Numquid dixisti de illo quod dixi tibi ? TH.  Dixi, hercle, vero omnia.  TR.  ¡ Ei misero mihi ! Metuo ne techinæ meæ perpetuo perierint.	550
I'll proceed to perplex it still further:  so does this affair require.  (Enter THEOPROPIDES.)  TRA.  (accosting him.)  Whence come you?  THEO.  I met that person from whom I bought this house.  TRA.  Did you tell him anything about that which I was telling you?  THEO.  I' faith, I certainly told him everything.  TRA.  (aside.)  Woe to unfortunate me!  I'm afraid that my schemes are everlastingly undone!
TH. (Not understanding him, with suspicion.)  ¿ Quid tute tecum ?  TR.  Nihil enim.  Sed dic mihi, ¿ dixistine, quæso ?  TH.  Dixi, inquam, ordine omnia. TR.  ¿ Etiam fatetur de hospite ?  TH.  Immo pernegat. TR.  ¿ Negat scelestus ?  TH.  Negitat, inquam. TR.  ¿ Non confitetur ?  TH.  Dicam si confessus sit.	555
THEO.  What is it you are saying to yourself?  TRA.  Why nothing.  But tell me, prithee, did you really tell him?  THEO.  I told him everything in its order, I tell you.  TRA.  Does he, then, confess about the guest?  THEO.  Why no;  he utterly denies it.  TRA.  Does he deny it?  THEO.  I would tell you if he had confessed it.
¿ Quid nunc faciundum censes ?  TR.  ¿ Ego-n quid censeam ? Cape, obsecro, hercle, cum eo unā judicem (Softly.) (sed eum videto ut capias, qui credat mihi) : tam facile vinces quam pirum volpes comēst. DAN. (Hitherto silently making gestures, now sees Tranio and makes for him.)  Sed Philolachetis servum, eccum, Tranium,	560
What now are you of opinion ought to be done?  TRA.  What is my opinion?  By my troth, I beg of you, appoint an arbitrator together with him;  but take you care that you appoint one who will believe me;  you'll overcome him as easily as a fox eats a pear [1]  BAN.  (to himself.)  But see, here's Tranio, the servant of Philolaches,
[Footnote 1:  As a fox eats a pear ) — Ver. 559.  This may either mean very easily indeed, or not at all.  It is not clear that a fox will eat a pear;  but if does, his teeth will go through it with the greatest ease.  Not improbably, Tranio uses the expression for its ambiguity.]
qui mihi neque fenus neque sortem argenti dant. (Tranio sees Misargyrides coming and goes to meet him.  Theopropides at first remains standing bewildered on the left side of the stage) TH. (Calling after Tranio.)  ¿ Quo te agis ?  TR. (Replying to Theopropides.)  Nequoquam abeo.  (To himself.)  Nē, ego sum miser, scelestus, natus deis inimicis omnibus. Jam illo præsente adibit.  Nē, ego homo sum miser, ita et hinc et illinc mihi exhibent negotium.	565
people who pay me neither interest nor principal on my money.  (Goes towards TRANIO, who steps forward to meet him.)  THEO. (to TRANIO.)  Whither are you betaking yourself?  TRA.  I'm going no whither.  (Aside.)  For sure, I am a wretch, a rascal, one born with all the Gods my foes!  He'll now be accosting me in the old man's presence.  Assuredly, I am a wretched man;  in such a fashion both this way and that do they find business for me.
Sed occupabo adire.  DAN. (Sees Tranio coming, says joyfully to himself.)  ¡ Hic ad me it, salvus sum ! ¡ Spes est de argento. !  TR. (To himself, facing the audience.)  Hilarus est ;  frustra est homo. (To Misargyrides.)  Salvere jubeo te, Misargyrides, bene. DAN. (Aloud.)  Salve et tu.  ¿ Quid de argento’st ?  TR.  ¡ Abi, sis, belua ! Continuo adveniens pilum injecisti mihi.	570
But I'll make haste and accost him.  (Moves towards the BANKER.)  BAN. (apart.)  He's coming towards me.  I'm all right;  I've some hopes of my money;  he's smiling.  TRA. (to himself.)  The fellow's deceived.  (To the BANKER.)  I heartily bid you hail, my friend Misargyrides.  BAN.  And hail to you.  What about the money?  TRA.  Be off with you, will you, you brute.  Directly you come, you commence the attack [2] against me.
[Footnote 2:  Commence the attack) — Ver. 570.  “Pilum injecisti.”  Literally, “you have thrown the javelin.”  “To throw the javelin”  was a common expression, signifying “to make the first attack” ;  as the darts were thrown before recourse was had to the sword.]
DAN. (To the audience.)  Certe hic homo inanis est.  TR. (To the audience.)  Hic homo est certe hariolus. DAN.  ¿ Quin tu istas mittis tricas ?  TR.  Quin quid vis cĕdo. DAN.  ¿ Ubi Philolaches est ?  TR.  Numquam potuisti mihi magis opportunus advenire quam advenis. DAN.  ¿ Quid est ?  TR.  Concede huc.  DAN.  ¿ Quin mihi fenus redditur ?	575
BAN. (apart.)  This fellow's empty-handed.  TRA. (overhearing him.)  This fellow's surely a soothsayer.  BAN.  But why don't you put an end to this trifling?  TRA.  Tell me, then, what it is you want.  BAN.  Where is Philolaches?  TRA.  You never could have met me more opportunely than you have met me.  BAN.  How's that?  TRA. (taking him aside.)  Step this way.  BAN. (aloud.)  Why isn't the money repaid me?
TR.  Scio te bona esse voce, ne clama nimis. DAN.  Ego hercle vero clamo.  TR.  Ah, gere morem mihi. DAN.  ¿ Quid tibi ego morem vis geram ?  TR.  Abi, quæso, hinc domum. DAN.  ¿ Abeam ?  TR.  Redito huc circiter meridiem. DAN.  ¿ Reddeturne igitur fenus ?  TR.  Reddet.  Nunc abi.	580
TRA.  I know that you have a good voice;  don't bawl out so loud.  BAN. (aloud.)  I' faith, I certainly shall bawl out.  TRA.  O, do humor me now.  BAN.  What do you want me to humor you in?  TRA.  Prithee, be off hence home.  BAN.  Be off?  TRA.  Return here about midday.  BAN.  Will the interest be paid then?  TRA.  He will pay it.  Be off.
DAN.  ¿ Quid ego huc recursem aut operam sumam aut conteram ? ¿ Quid si hic manebo potius ad meridiem ? TR.  ¡ Immo abi domum !  Verum, hercle, dico.  ¡ Abi modo ! DAN.  At volo.  ¡ Prius da fenus ! TR.  ¡ I, inquam, i modo ! DAN.  ¿ Quin vos mihi fenus date. ?  ¿ Quid hīc nugamini ?	585
BAN.  Why should I run to and fro here, or use or waste my pains?  What if I remain here until midday in preference?  TRA.  Why no;  be off home.  On my word, I'm telling the truth.  Only do be off.  BAN. (aloud.)  But I want to.  First pay me my interest.  TRA.  Go, I say, just go!  BAN.  Why don’t you pay me my interest?  Why do you trifle with me here?
TR.  Eu hercle, ne tu … (interrupts himself.)  ¡ Abi modo, ausculta mihi ! DAN.  Jam, hercle, ego illum (Points at the house.) nominabo.  TR. (Blocks his way to the house.)  ¡ Euge, strenue ! Beatus vero es nunc, quum clamas.  DAN.  Meum peto. Multos me hoc pacto jam dies frustramini. Molestus si sum, reddite argentum :  Abiero.	590
TRA.  Bravo!  By Hercules, so that you don’t … (interrupts himself.)  Really now, do be off;  listen to me!  BAN. (Loudly.)  I' faith, I'll call him now by name.  TRA.  Bravo!  Stoutly done!  Really, you are quite rich now when you yell out.  BAN. (Loudly.)  I'm asking for my own.  In this way you've been frustrating me for these many days past.  If I'm troublesome, give me back the money;  I'll go away then.
Responsiones omnes hoc verbo eripis. TR.  ¡ Sortem accipe !  DAN.  ¡ Immo fenus !  Id primum volo. TR.  ¿ Quid ais tu, omnium hominum tæterrime ? ¿ Venisti huc te extentatum ?  ¡ Agas quod in manu est ! Non dat, non debet.  DAN.  ¿ Non debet ?  TR.  Ne frit quidem	595
That expression [3] puts an end to all replies.  TRA. (pretending to offer it him.)  Then, take the principal [4].  BAN. (aloud.)  Why no, the interest;  I want that first.  TRA.  What?  Have you, you fellow most foul of all fellows, come here to practice [demanding]?  Do what lies in your power.  He's not going to pay you;  he doesn't owe it.  BAN.  Not owe it?  TRA.  Not a tittle, indeed,
[Footnote 3:  That expression ) — Ver. 591.  By “hoc verbum” he probably alludes to the expression, “reddite argentum,” “down with the money.”]
[Footnote 4:  Take the principal ) — Ver. 592.  He finds he must say something, so he says this, although he has no money with him.  He knows, however, that the usurer will first insist on the interest being paid, because if he takes the principal, it will be a legal waver of his right to claim the interest.]
ferre hinc potes.  ¿ An metuis ne quo abeat foras urbe exulatum, fenoris causā tui, cui sortem accipere jam licet ?  DAN.  ¿ Quin non peto sortem ?  Illuc primum — fenus — reddendum est mihi.	599-600
can you get from here. Would you prefer for him to go abroad, and go from the city into exile, driven hence because of you, who are allowed to take the principal?  BAN.  As if I’m not asking for the principal?  The interest has to be paid back to me first.
TR.  ¡ Molestus ne sis !  Nemo dat.  ¡ Age quidlibet !	601
TRA.  Don’t annoy me!  No one is paying.  Do what you want.
¿ Tu solus, credo, fenore argentum datas ? DAN.  ¡ Cĕdo fenus, redde fenus, fenus reddite ! ¿ Daturi-n(e) estis fenus actutum mihi ? ¿ Datur fenus mihi ?  TR.  ¡ Fenus illic, fenus hic !	605
You are the only person, I suppose, that lends money at interest.  (Moves towards THEOPROPIDES.)  BAN. (yelling aloud.)  Give me my interest!  Pay me my interest!  You pay my interest!  Are you going to give me my interest this instant?  Is my interest being given me?  TRA.  Interest here, interest there!
Nescit quidem nisi fenus fabulari. ¡ Ultro te !  Neque ego tætriorem beluam vidisse me unquam quenquam quam te censeo. DAN.  Non edepol tu nunc me istis verbis territas. TH. (Slowly coming closer.)  Calidum hoc est :  Etsi procul abest, urit male.	609a
The old rogue knows how to babble about nothing but interest.  Off with you!  I do not think that ever I saw any beast more vile than you.  BAN.  Upon my faith, you don't alarm me now with those expressions.  THEO. (Slowly coming closer.)  This is of a hot nature;  although it is some distance away, it scorches badly [5].
[Footnote 5:  It scorches badly ) — Ver. 609a.  This line is given by Gruter to Theuropides, by Acidalius to Tranio, and by Lambinus to the Banker.  The latter seems the most appropriate owner of it;  and he probably alludes, aside, to the effects of his pressing in a loud voice for the money.  Tranio is introduced as using the same expression, in l.650;  but there can be no doubt that the line, as there inserted, is spurious.]
(To Tranio.)  ¿ Quod illud est fenus, obsecro, quod illic petit ? TR. (To Misargyrides.)  Pater eccum advenit peregre non multo prius illius.  Is tibi et fenus et sortem dabit. ¡ Ne inconciliare quid nos porro postules ! Vide:  ¿ Num moratur ?  DAN.  Quin feram, si quid datur. TH. (To Tranio.)  ¿ Quid ais tu ?  TR. (To Theopropides.)  ¿ Quid vis ?  TH.  ¿ Quis ille est ?  ¿ Quid ille petit ?	615
THEO. (to TRANIO)  Pray, what interest is this that he is asking for?  TRA. (in a low voice, to the BANKER)  Look now;  his father has arrived from abroad, not long since;  he'll pay you both, interest and principal;  Don’t annoy us any longer with your demanding.  Look:  Is he putting you off?  BAN.  Nay but, I'll take it, if anything's offered.  THEO. (to TRANIO, coming towards him).  What are you saying?  TRA.  What is it you mean?  THEO.  Who is this?  What is he asking for?
¿ Quid Philolachetem gnatum compellat meum sic et præsenti tibi facit convicium ? ¿ Quid illi debetur ?  TR.  Obsecro hercle, tu jube objicere argentum ob os impuræ beluæ. TH.  ¿ Jubeam … ?   TR.  ¡ Jube homini argento os verberari !	620
Why is he thus rudely speaking of my son Philolaches in this way, and giving you abuse to your face?  What's owing him?  TRA. (to THEOPROPIDES.)  I beg of you, do order the money to be thrown in the face of this dirty brute.  THEO.  I, order it?  TRA.  Order the fellow's face to be pelted with money.
DAN.  Perfacile ego ictus perpetior argenteos. TR. (To Theopropides.)  ¿ Audi(s)-n(e) ?  Videtur-ne, obsecro, hercle, idoneus,	622
BAN. (coming nearer).  I could very well put up with a pelting with money.  TR. (To Theopropides.)  ¿ Do you hear him ?  Does he not appear, I ask you, by Hercules, suitable
danista qui sit, genus quod improbissimum est ? TH.  Non ego istuc curo qui sit quid sit, unde sit. Id, id volo mihi dici, id me scire expeto : ¿ Quod illud argentum est ?  TR.  … Est … (hesitates, then with determination.)  Huic debet Philolaches	626
for being a moneylender, which is the worst type there is ?  TH.  I don’t care about who he is, what he is, whence he is.  This, this I want told to me, I want to know this:  What is that silver?  TR.  … It is … (hesitates, then decisively.)  Philolaches owes this man
paulum.  TH. (Shocked.)  ¿ Quantillum ?  TR. (hesitating and speaking airily.)  Quasi … quadraginta minas. ¡ Ne sane id multum censeas !  TH. (Sarcastically.)  Paulum id quidem est. Adeo etiam argenti fenus creditum audio.	629
a little.  THEO. How much?  TRA.  About forty minae.  Really, don't think much of that.  TH. (Sarcastically.)  Little it is, in fact.  I hear from him that there was interest owing on the money as well.
TR.  Quattuor quadraginta illi debentur minæ, et sors et fenus.  DAN.  Tantum’st.  Nilo plus peto. TR.  Velim quidem, hercle, ut uno nummo plus petas. (To Theopropides.)  Dic te daturum, ut abeat.  TH.  ¿ Egon dicam dare ? TR.  ¡ Dic !  TH.  ¿ Egone ?  TR.  Tu ipse.  ¡ Dic modo, ausculta mihi ! ¡ Promitte !  Age, inquam ;  ego jubeo.  TH.  Responde mihi :	635
Forty-four minae are owed him.  BAN.  That’s all.  I’m asking nothing more.  TRA.  I would certainly wish, by Hercules, that you would ask for one coin more.  (To Theopropides.)  Tell him that you will give it, so that he goes away.  THEO.  I should say that I am giving it?  TRA.  Say it!  THEO.  I?  TR.  You yourself!  Just say it, listen to me!  Promise it!  Do it, I say;  I am commanding it.  THEO.  Answer me:
¿ Quid eo est argento factum ?  TR. (Diverting the question.)  Salvum est.  TH.  Solvite vosmet igitur, si salvum’st.  TR.  Ædes filius tuus emit.  TH.  ¿ Ædes ?  TR.  Ædes.  TH. (Happily.)  Euge, Philolaches patrissat.  Jam homo in mercatura vertitur. ¿ Ai(s)-n(e) tu, ædes ?  TR.  Ædes, inquam.  Sed ¿ scisne, cujusmodi ?	640
what has been done with this money?  TRA. (Diverting the question.)  It's safe.  THEO.  Pay it yourselves then, if it's safe.  TRA.  Your son has bought a house.  THEO.  A house?  TRA.  A house.  THEO.  Bravo!  Philolaches is taking after his father!  The fellow is now getting into business.  A house, say you?  TRA.  A house, I tell you.  But do you know of what sort?
TH.  ¿ Qui scire possum ?  TR.  ¡ Vah !  TH.  ¿ Quid est ?  TR.  ¡ Ne me roga ! TH.  Nam ¿ quid ita ?  TR.  Speculoclaras, candorem merum. TH.  Bene, hercle, factum.  ¿ Quid, eas quanti destinat ? TR.  Talentis magnis totidem quot ego et tu sumus. Sed arraboni has dedit quadraginta minas.	645
THEO.  How can I know?  TRA.  Out with you!  THEO.  What's the matter?  TRA.  Don't ask me that.  THEO.  But why so?  TRA.  Bright as a mirror, pure brilliancy itself.  THEO.  Excellently done, upon my faith!  Well, how much did he agree to give for it?  TRA.  As many Great Talents as you and I put together make;  but these forty minae he paid by way of earnest money.
Hinc sumpsit quas ei dedimus.  ¿ Sati(s)-n(e) intellegis ? Nam postquam hæc ædes ita erant ut dixi tibi, continuo est alias ædes mercatus sibi. TH. (Overjoyed.)  Bene, hercle, factum.  DAN. (To Tranio.)  Heus, jam appetit meridies.	649
(Pointing to the BANKER.)  From him he received what we paid the other man.  Do you quite understand? [6]  For after this house was in such a state as I mentioned to you, he at once purchased another house for himself.  THEO.  Excellently done, upon my faith!  BAN. (touching TRANIO.)  Hark you.  Midday is now close at hand.
[Footnote 6:  Do you quite understand ) — Ver. 646.  Warner suggests that, by using this expression before the Banker, he intends to make a secret of the house being haunted, and that he keeps up the mystery in the succeeding line.]
TR. (To Theopropides.)  ¡ Absolve hunc, quæso, vomitu ne hic nos enecet !	650-652
TRA.  Prithee, do pay this fellow, so that he doesn’t do us in with his puking.
TH. (To Misargyrides.)  Adulescens, mecum rem habe.  DAN.  ¿ Nempe abs te petam ? TH.  Petito cras.  DAN.  Abeo.  Sat habeo, si cras fero.  (Exits to the right.) TR. (To himself and the audience.)  Malum quod isti di deæque omnes dent.	655
THEO. (to the BANKER.)  Young man, transact the business with me.  BAN.  I'm to ask it of you, you mean?  THEO.  Come for it tomorrow.  BAN.  I'll be off, then;  I'm quite satisfied if I get it tomorrow.  (Exit.)  TRA. (aside.)  A plague may all the Gods and Goddesses send upon him!
Ita mea consilia perturbat pænissime. Nullum edepol hodie genus est hominum tætrius nec minus bono cum jure quam danisticum. TH. (To Tranio.)  ¿ Qua in regione istas ædes emit filius ? TR. (To himself.)  ¡ Ecce autem, perii !  TH.  ¿ Dicisne hoc quod te rogo ?	660
So utterly has he disarranged my plans.  On my word, no class of men is there more disgusting, or less acquainted with fair dealing than the banking race.  THEO.  In what neighbourhood did my son buy this house?  TRA. (aside.)  But now look!  I'm undone!  THEO.  Are you going to tell me that which I ask you?
TR.  Dicam.  Sed nomen domini quæro quid siet. TH.  Age, comminiscere ergo.  TR. (To himself.)  ¿ Quid ego nunc agam, nisi ut in vicinum hunc proximum mendacium ? Eas emisse ædes hujus dicam filium. Calidum, hercle, esse audivi optimum mendacium.	665
TRA.  I'll tell you;  but I'm trying to remember what the name of the owner is.  (Pretends to think.)  THEO.  Well, call it to mind, then.  TRA. (aside.)  What am I to do now, except put the lie upon this neighbour of ours next door?  I'll say that his son has bought that house.  I' faith, I've heard say that a lie piping-hot is the best lie.
Quidquid dei dicunt, id decretum’st dicere. TH.  ¿ Quid igitur ?  ¿ Jam commentu’s ?  TR. (Aloud.)  ¡ Di istum perdant ! (Softly, to the audience, while pointing at Theopropides.)  ¡ Immo istunc potius !  (Aloud.)  De vicino hoc proximo tuus emit ædes filius.  TH.  ¿ Bona-n fide ?	669-670
Whatever the Gods dictate, that it has been decreed to say.  THEO.  Well now?  Have you now recollected?  TRA.  May the Gods confound that fellow!  (Aside, pointing to Theopropides.)  No, this other fellow, rather.  (To THEOPROPIDES.)  Your son has bought the house of this next-door neighbour of yours.  THEO.  In real truth?
TR.  Siquidem tu argentum reddituru's, tum bonā,	671
TRA.  If, indeed, you are going to pay down the money, then in real truth;
si redditurus non es, non emit bona. TH.  Non in loco emit perbono.  TR.  Immo in optimo. Cupio, hercle, inspicere hasce ædis.  Pulta dum fores atque evoca aliquem intus ad te, Tranio.	675
if you are not going to pay it, in real truth he has not bought it.  THEO.  He hasn't bought it in a very good location.  TRA.  Why yes, in a very good one.  THEO.  I' faith, I would like to look over this house;  just knock at the door, and call some one to you from within, Tranio.
TR. (To himself.)  ¡ Ecce autem perii !  Nunc quid dicam nescio. Iterum jam ad unum saxum me fluctus ferunt. TH. (Impatiently.)  ¿ Quid nunc ?  TR. (To himself.)  Non, hercle, quid nunc faciam reperio. Manifesto teneor.  TH. (Impatiently.)  ¡ Evoca dum aliquem ocius ! ¡ Roga, circumducat !  TR. (Aloud.)  ¡ Heus tu !  (With a scandalized air.)  At hic sunt mulieres.	680
TRA. (aside.)  Look, I’m a goner!  Again I don't know what I'm to say.  Once more, now, are the surges bearing me upon this one rock.  THEO. (Impatiently.)  What now?  TRA. (To himself.)  I' faith, I can't discover what I am now to do;  I'm caught in the act.  THEO. (Impatiently.)  Just call some one out of doors faster;  ask him to show us round.  TRA. (After going to the door of SIMO's house, turns around and says loudly, with a scandalized air.)  Hallo there, you!  … But there are ladies here;
Vide(s)-n(e)dum’st primum, utrum eæ velint an non velint. TH.  Bonum æquumque oras.  I, percontare et roga. Ego hic tantisper, dum exis, te opperiar foris.  (Remains standing on the right side.) TR. (To himself, slowly going to the left to Simo’s house.)  ¡ Di te deæque omnes funditus perdant, senex ! Ita mea consilia undique oppugnas male.  (The door of the neighboring house opens and Simo, its owner, steps out.)	685
We must first see whether they are willing or unwilling.  THEO.  You say what's good and proper;  just make enquiry, and ask.  I'll wait here outside until you come out.  TRA. (aside.)  May all the Gods and Goddesses utterly confound you, old gentleman! in such a fashion are you thwarting my artful plans in every way.
Eugæ !  Optime eccum ædium dominus foras, Simo, progreditur intus.  Huc concessero dum mihi Senatum consilii in cor convoco.  (Moves to the left side.) Igitur tum accedam hunc, quando quid agam invenero.	695
Bravo!  Very good!  Look, Simo himself, the owner of the house, is coming out of doors from inside.  I'll move aside here, until I have convened the senate of council in my mind.  I’ll go up to him then when I have found out what to do.  (THEOPROPIDES and TRANIO stand at a distance from SIMO's house, in opposite directions, THEOPROPIDES being on the far right.)
ACTUS III Scene III 2:  Simo, Tranio, Theopropides Simo stops in front of his house.  Theopropides rests — his head turned away — on the right side of the stage.  Tranio listens on the left side of the stage.
III.ii SIMO (Strokes his belly contentedly, seeing no one else.)  Melius anno hoc mihi non fuit domi,	690
SIM. (to himself.)  I have never had a better year than this one,
nec quod una esca me juverit magis. Prandium uxor mihi perbonum dedit. Nunc dormitum jubet me ire. —  (Shudders with disgust.)  ¡ Minime ! Non mihi forte visum ilico fuit, melius quum prandium quam solet dedit.	695
nor has at any time any meal pleased me better.  My wife provided a very nice luncheon for me;  now she bids me go take a nap.  By no means!  It instantly struck me that it didn't so happen by chance that she provided a better luncheon than is her wont;
Voluit in cubiculum abducere me anus. Non bonu’st somnus de prandio.  ¡ Apage ! Clanculum ex ædibus me edidi foras. Tota turget mihi uxor, scio, domi. TR. (To the audience.)  Res parata est mala in vesperum huic seni.	700
and then, the old lady wanted to draw me away to my chamber.  Sleep is not good [1] after breakfast. — Forget it!  I secretly stole away from the house, out of doors.  My wife, I'm sure, is now quite bursting with rage at home.  TRA. (apart.)  A sore mischance is provided for this old fellow by the evening;
[Footnote 1:  Sleep is not good ) — Ver. 697.  It was a custom with the Romans to take a nap at noon, after the “prandium.”  The modern Italians have the same practice, and call it the “siesta.”  Simo has his private reasons for thinking that this nap is not wholesome in his own case.]
Nam et cenandum et cubandum’st ei male. SI.  Quum magis cogito cum meo animo : Si quis dotatam uxorem atque eam anum habet, neminem sollicitat sopor, ibi omnibus ire dormitum odio est.  Veluti nunc mihi	705
for he must both dine and go to bed in sorry fashion.  SIM. (continuing.)  The more I reflect upon it in my mind:  if any man has a dowried wife, one that’s old, sleep has no charms for him — in that case everyone hates going to sleep.  As for me now
exsequi certa res est, ut abeam potius hinc ad forum quam domi cubem.  (Strides forward to the middle of the stage.) (To the audience.)  Atque, pol, nescio, ut moribus sient vestræ.  Hæc sat scio quam me habeat male,	709a
I am resolved to carry out the intention of going hence to the Forum, rather than of being in bed at home.  And, i' faith (to the AUDIENCE), I don't know how your wives are in their behaviour;  this wife of mine, I know right well how badly she treats me,
pejus posthac fore quam fuit mihi. TR. (To himself, facing the audience.)  Abitus tuus tibi, senex, fecerit male : Nil erit, quod deorum ullum accusites. Te ipse jure optimo merito incuses, licet. Tempus nunc est senem hunc alloqui mihi. ¡ Hoc habet !  Repperi qui senem ducerem,	715
and that she will prove more annoying to me hereafter than she has been.  TRA. (apart.)  If your escape, old gentleman, turns out amiss, there'll be no reason for you to be accusing any one of the Gods;  by very good right, you may justly lay the blame upon yourself.  It's time now for me to accost this old fellow.  Aha! [2]  I've hit upon a plan whereby to cajole the old fellow,
[Footnote 2:  He’s hit! ) — Ver. 715.  “Aha!”  Literally, “he has it,” a term used by the Spectators, when a gladiator received a wound at the gladiatoral games.]
quo dolo a me dolorem procul pellerem. Accedam.  (Goes up to Simo and addresses him.)  Di te ament plurimum, Simo. SI.  Salvus sis, Tranio.  TR.  ¿ Ut vales ?  SI.  Non male.  (Tranio grabs Simo’s hand.) ¿ Quid agis ?  TR.  Hominem optimum teneo.  SI.  Amice facis, quum me laudas.  TR.  Decet certe.  SI.  Quin mehercle te	720
a trick by means of which to drive grief [3] away from me.  I'll accost him.  (Addressing him.)  May the Gods, Simo, send on you many blessings!  (Takes him by the hand.)  SIM.  Be hale, Tranio!  TRA.  How fare you?  SIM.  Not bad.  What are you about?  TRA.  Holding by the hand a very worthy man.  SIM.  You act in a friendly way in speaking well of me.  TRA.  It certainly is your due.  SIM.  But, i' faith, in you
[Footnote 3:  By means of which to drive grief ) — Ver. 716.  He plays upon the resemblance of the words “dolo” (ablative of «dolus» “trick, snare”) and “dolorem” (accusative of «dolor» “grief, sorrow.”)]
haud bonum teneo servum.  (Tranio turns around and leaves;  Simo calls after him.) THEOPR.  ¡ Heja, mastigia, ad me redi !  TR.  Jam istic ero.  (Hurries back to Simo.)	721a
I don't hold a good servant by the hand.  THEO. (calling from a distance, where he is not perceived by SIMO).  Hark you, you whip-knave, come back to me.  TRA. (turning round.)  I'll be right there.
SI.  ¿ Quid nunc ?  ¿ Quam mox … ?  TR.  ¿ Quid est ?  SI.  Quod solet fieri hic intus.  TR.  ¿ Quid id est ?  SI. (Softly, with mockery in his voice.)  Scis jam quid loquar.  Sic decet. Etiam mihi morem geras. ¡ Vita quam sit brevis, simul cogita !  TR.  ¿ Quid ?	726
SIM.  Well now, how soon …?  TRA.  What is it?  SIM.  The usual goings-on here, inside.  TRA.  What are those?  SIM.  (Softly, mockingly.)  You know what I am talking about.  It’s fine the way it is.  You ought to humor even me.  But just once think about how short life is.  TRA.  ¿ What do you mean ?
Ehem, vix tandem percepi super his rebus nostris te loqui. SI.  Musice, hercle, agitis ætatem ita ut vos decet ; vino et victu, piscatu probo, electili	729-730
Dear me, at last, after some difficulty, I perceive that you are talking about these goings-on of ours.  SIM. I’ faith, you people are living an elegant life, just as befits you:  on wine and food, on fine, select fish,
vitam colitis.  TR. (With a sigh.)  ¡ Immo vita antehac erat !	731
you enjoy life.  TRA.  Why yes, so it was in time past, indeed.
Nunc nobis omnia hæc exciderunt. SI.  ¿ Quīdum ?  TR.  Ita oppido occĭdimus omnes, Simo. SI.  ¿ Non taces ?  Prospere vobis cuncta usque adhuc processerunt.  TR.  Ita, ut dicis, facta haud nego.	735
But now these things have come to an end all at once.  SIM.  How so?  TRA.  So utterly, Simo, are we all undone!  SIM.  Won't you hold your tongue?  Everything has gone on prosperously with you hitherto.  TRA.  I don't deny that it has been as you say;
Nos profecto probe ut voluimus viximus. Sed, Simo, ita nunc ventus navem nostram deseruit.  SI.  ¿ Quid est ? ¿ Quo modo ?  TR.  Pessimo.  SI.  ¿ Quæne subducta erat tuto in terra ?  TR.  ¡ Ei !  SI.  ¿ Quid est ?  TR.  Me miserum, occĭdi. SI.  ¿ Qui ?  TR.  Quia vēnit navis, nostræ navi quæ frangat ratem.	740
undoubtedly, we have lived heartily, just as we pleased;  but, Simo, in such a way has the breeze now forsaken our ship.  SIM.  What's the matter?  In what way?  TRA.  In a most shocking way.  SIM.  What, wasn't it hauled ashore [4] in safety?  TRA.  Ah me!  SIM.  What's the matter?  TRA.  Ah, wretched me!  I'm utterly undone!  SIM.  How so? TRA.  Because a ship has come to broadside the hull of ours.
[Footnote 4:  Wasn't it hauled ashore) — Vet. 723.  It was the custom, when ships were not in use, especially in the winter time, to draw them up on shore, by means of rollers placed beneath them.
SI.  Vellem ut tu velles, Tranio.  Sed ¿ quid est negotii ?  TR. Eloquar. Erus peregre venit.  SI.  Tunc portenditur, inde ferriterium, postea crux.  TR. (Kneels down.)  Per tua te genua obsecro, ne indicium ero facias meo.  SI.  E me, ne quid metuas, nil sciet.	744-745
SIM.  I would wish as you would wish, Tranio.  But what is the matter?  TRA.  I will inform you.  My master has arrived from abroad.  SIM.  In that case, the portents are looming:  thence to where iron fetters are worn down;  after that, the cross.  TRA.  Now, by your knees, I do implore you, don't give information to my master.  SIM.  Don't you fear;  he shall know nothing from me.
TR. (Stands back up.)  Patrone, salve.  SI.  Nil moror mi istius modi clientis.	746
TRA.  Blessings on you, my patron.  SIM.  I care nothing for clients of this type for myself.
TR.  Nunc hoc quod ad te noster me misit senex … SI.  Hoc mihi responde primum quod ego te rogo : ¿ Jam de istis rebus vester quid sensit senex ? TR.  Nil quicquam.  SI.  ¿ Numquid increpavit filium ?	750
TRA.  Now as to this about which our old gentleman has sent me.  SIM.  First answer me this that I ask you.  As yet, what has the old gentleman suspected about these matters?  TRA.  Nothing whatever.  SIM.  Has he reproached his son at all?
TR.  Tam liquidu’st quam liquida esse tempestas solet. Nunc te hoc orare jussit opere maximo, ut sibi liceret inspicere hasce ædes tuas. SI.  Non sunt venales.  TR.  Scio equidem istuc.  Sed senex gynæceum ædificare vult hic in suis	755
TRA.  He is as calm as the calm weather is wont to be.  Now he has requested me most earnestly to beg this of you, that leave may be given him to see over this house of yours.  SIM.  It's not for sale.  TRA.  I know that indeed;  but the old gentleman wishes to build a woman's apartment [5] here in his own
[Footnote 5:  A woman’s apartment) — Ver. 755.  “Gynæceum.”  This was a name borrowed from the Greeks, for the apartments in the house which were especially devoted to the use of the females.]
et balineas et ambulacrum et porticum. SI.  ¿ Quid consomniavit ?  TR.  Ego dicam tibi. Dare vult uxorem filio quantum potest. Ad eam rem facere vult novum gynæceum. Nam sibi laudavisse hasce ait architectonem	760
house, baths, too, and a promenade, and a porch.  SIM.  What has he been dreaming of?  TRA.  I'll tell you.  He wishes to give his son a wife as soon as he can;  for that purpose he wants a new apartment for the women.  For he says that some builder,
nescioquem exædificatas insanum bene. Nunc hinc exemplum capere vult, nisi tu non vis. Nam ille eo majore hinc opere sibi exemplum petit, quia istic umbram audivit esse æstate perbonam sub divo columine usque perpetuum diem.	765
I don't know who, has been praising up to him this house of yours, as being insanely well built;  now wants to take an example from here, unless you are against it.  For he is seeking an example from here all the more because he has heard that in the summer there the shade under the open sky is wonderful all day long due to the eaves.
SI.  Immo edepol vero, quum usquequaque umbra est, tamen sol semper hic est usque a mani ad vesperum : Quasi flagitator astat usque ad ostium, nec mi umbra hic usquam’st, nisi si in puteo quæpiam’st. TR.  ¿ Quid ?  ¿ Sarsinatis ecqua est, si Umbram non habes ?	770
SIM.  Why really, upon my faith, on the contrary, while there’s shade in every direction, in spite of it, the sun is always here from morning till evening:  he stands, like a debt collector, continually at the door;  and I have no shade [umbra] anywhere, unless, perhaps, there may be some in the well.  TRA.  Well now, have you one from Sarsina, if you have no woman of Umbria [Umbra] [6]?
[Footnote 6:  No woman of Umbria) — Ver. 770.  This is a poor pun upon the different acceptations of the word “umbra,” which may signify, according to the context, “shade,” or “a woman of (the region of) Umbria.”  Simo means it in the former, while Tranio chooses to take it in the latter sense.  Simo does not like this attempt at wit, and tells him not to be impertinent.  We may here observe, that Plautus was born at Sarsina, a town of Umbria.]
SI.  ¡ Molestus ne sis !  Hæc sunt sicut prædīco. TR.  At tamen inspicere vult.  SI.  Inspiciat, si libet. Si quid erit quod illi placeat, de exemplo meo ipse ædificato.  TR.  ¿ Eone ?  ¿ Voco huc hominem ?  SI.  I, voca.  (Simo remains standing at his house.  Tranio steps in front of the audience, speaks to it while slowly going to the right to Theopropides.) TR. (To the audience, with a boastful attitude.)  Alexandrum magnum atque Agathoclem ajunt maximas	775
SIM.  Don't be impertinent.  It is just as I tell you.  TRA.  Still, he wishes to look over it.  SIM.  He may look over it, if he likes.  If there is anything that takes his fancy, let him build after my plan.  TRA.  Am I to go and call this person hither?  SIM.  Go and call him.  TRA.  (to himself, as he goes to the other side of the stage to call THEOPROPIDES).  They say that Alexander the Great and Agathocles [7]
[Footnote 7:  Agathocles ) — Ver. 775.  Agathocles rose from the station of a potter to be king of Sicily.]
duo res gessisse ;  ¿ quid mihi fiet tertio, qui solus facio facinora immortalia ? (Pointing at Simon.)  Vehit hĭc clitellas, (Pointing at Theopropides.)  vehit hĭc autem alter senex. Novicium mihi quæstum institui non malum. Nam muliones mulos clitellarios	780
achieved two very great exploits;  what shall be the lot of myself, a third, who, unaided, am achieving deeds imperishable?  (Pointing at Simon.)  This old fellow is carrying his pack-saddle, (Pointing at Theopropides.)  this other one, as well.  I've set up a novel business for myself, not a bad one;  whereas muleteers have mules to carry pack-saddles,
habent, at ego habeo homines clitellarios. Magni sunt oneris :  Quidquid imponas vehunt. Nunc hunc haud scio an colloquar.  Congrediar. (To Theopropides.)  Heus, Theopropides.  TH.  (Turns around.) Hem ¿ quis hic nominat me ? TR.  Ero servus multismodis suo fidus.  TH.  ¿ Unde is ?	785
I've got men to carry the pack-saddles.  They are able to carry heavy burdens;  whatever you put upon them, they carry.  Now, I don't know whether I am to address him.  I'll engage him.  (Calling aloud.)  Hey, Theuropides!  THEO. (coming forward.)  What?  Who’s this calling me?  TRA.  A slave most attached to his master.
TR.  Quod me mīseras, affero omne impetratum. TH.  ¿ Quid illic, obsecro, tam diu destitisti ? TR.  Seni non erat otium ;  id sum oppertus. TH.  Antiquum obtines hoc tuum, tardus ut sis. TR.  Heus tu, si voles verbum hoc cogitare :	790
Where you had sent me, I got it all agreed to.  THEO.  Prithee, why did you stay there so long?  TRA.  The old gentleman hadn't leisure; I was waiting until then.  THEO.  You keep up that old way of yours, of being tardy.  TRA.  Hark you! if you please reflect upon this proverb:
simul flare sorbereque haud factu facile’st. Ego hic esse et illic simul haud potui. TH.  ¿ Quid nunc ?  TR.  Vise, specta tuo usque arbitratu. TH.  Age, i, duce me.  TR.  ¿ Num moror ?  TH.  Subsequor te. TR.  Senex ipse te ante ostium, eccum, opperitur.	795
to blow and swallow [8] at the same moment isn’t easy to be done;  I couldn’t be here and there at the same time.  THEO.  What now?  TRA.  Come and look, and inspect it at your own pleasure.  THEO.  Very well, you go before me.  TRA.  Am I delaying to do so?  THEO.  I’ll follow after you.  TRA. (as they advance).  Look, the old gentleman himself is awaiting you before the door.
[Footnote 8:  To blow and swallow ) — Ver. 791.  Or “exhale and inhale.”  A proverbial expression, very similar to that in use with us, that “a person cannot blow hot and cold at the same time.”]
¡ Sed ut mæstus est se hasce ædes vendidisse ! TH.  ¿ Quid tandem ?  TR.  Orat ut suadeam Philolacheti ut istas remittat sibi.  TH. (Stopping to talk.)  Haud opinor. Sibi quisque ruri metit.  Si male emptæ essent, nobis istas redhibere haud liceret.	800
But how sad he is that he has sold this house!  THEO.  Why so?  TRA.  He begs me to persuade Philolaches to give it back.  THEO. (Stopping to talk.)  I don't think he will.  Each man reaps on his own farm [9].  If it had been bought badly, we wouldn’t have permission to return it.
[Footnote 9:  Reaps on his own farm) — Ver. 799.  A country proverb, meaning “every one for himself.”]
Lucri quidquid est, id domum trahere oportet. Misericordiā se abstinere hominem oportet. TR.  Moraris, hercle, odiose facis.  ¡ Subsequere !  (They resume walking) TH.  Fiat. Do tibi ego operam.  (They approach Simo.)  TR. (To Theopropides.)  Senex illic est.  (To Simo.)  Em, tibi adduxi hominem, Simo. SI. (To Theopropides.)  Salvum te advenisse peregre gaudeo, Theopropides.	805
Whatever profit there is, it’s proper to bring it home.  It doesn’t befit men to be showing compassion.  TRA.  I’ faith, you are losing time while you are talking.  Follow me.  THEO.  Be it so.  TRA. (to THEOPROPIDES.)  I’ll give you my services.  (Pointing.)  There's the old gentleman.  (To SIMO.)  Well now, I’ve brought you this person.  SIM.  I’m glad that you've arrived safely from abroad, Theuropides.
TH.  Di te ament.  SI.  Inspicere iste ædes te has velle ajebat mihi. TH.  Nisi tibi est incommodum.  SI.  Immo, commodum.  Intro atque inspice. TH.  At enim mulieres …  SI.  ¡ Cave tu ullam flocci facias mulierem ! Quā libet, perambula ædes oppido tamquam tuas. TH. (Surprisedly.)  ¿ « Tamquam » ?  TR. (Softly to Theopropides.)  ¡ Ah !  Cave, tu illi objectes nunc in ægritudine	810
THEO.  May the Gods bless you.  SIM.  Your slave was telling me that you wished to look over this house.  THEO.  Unless it's inconvenient to you.  SIM.  Oh no;  quite convenient.  Do step in-doors and look over it.  THEO. (pausing)  But yet, the ladies …  SIM.  Take you care not to trouble yourself a straw about any lady.  Walk in every direction, wherever you like, all over the house, just as though it were your own.  THEO. (surprised, apart to TRANIO.)  “Just as though”?  TRA. (whispering.)  Oh, take care that you don't throw it in his teeth now in his regret,
te has emisse.  ¿ Non tu vides hunc, vultu ut tristis est senex ? TH. (Softly, to Tranio.)  Video.  TR. (Softly to Theopropides.)  Ergo irridere ne videaris et gestire admodum. Noli facere mentionem te has emisse.  TH. (Equally softly.)  Intellego. Et bene monitum duco, atque esse existimo humani ingenii. (To Simo.)  ¿ Quid nunc ?  SI.  Quin tu is intro — atque otiose perspecta ut libet.	815
that you have bought it.  Don't you see him, how sad a countenance the old gentleman has?  THEO. (apart.)  I see.  TRA. (apart.)  Then don't seem to be making fun of him and to be overmuch delighted;  in fact, don't make mention that you've bought it.  THEO. (apart.)  I understand;  and I think you've given good advice, and that it shows a humane disposition.  (Turning to SIMO.)  What now?  SIM.  Won't you come in?  Look over it at your leisure, just as you like.
TH.  Bene benigneque arbitror te facere.  SI.  Factum edepol volo.  (Theopropides steps inside followed by Tranio.  They stop there and engage in conversation.) TR.  ¿ Vide(s)-n(e) vestibulum ante ædes hoc et ambulacrum, cujusmodi ?	817
THEO.  I consider that you are acting civilly and kindly.  SIM.  Troth, I wish to do so.  TRA. (pointing.)  Don't you see this vestibule before the house and the promenade, how nice it is?
TH.  Luculentum, edepol, profecto.  TR.  ¡ Age, specta postes, cujusmodi, quanta firmitate facti et quanta crassitudine ! TH.  Non videor vidisse postes pulchriores.  SI.  Pol, mihi	820
THEO. Troth, really handsome!  TRA.  Well, look at the pillars, the way they are, with what strength they are built, and of what a thickness.  THEO.  I don't think that I ever saw handsomer pillars.  SIM.  I’ faith,
eo pretio empti fuerant olim.  TR. (Softly to Theopropides.)  ¿ Audi(s)n(e) « fuerant » dicere ? Vix videtur continere lacrimas.  TH.  ¿ Quanti hosce emeras ? SI.  Tris minas pro istis duobus præter vecturam dedi. TH.  Hercle, qui multo improbiores sunt quam a primo credidi. SI.  ¿ Quapropter ?  TH.  Quia, edepol, ambo ab infimo tarmes secat.	825
they were some time since bought by me at such a price!  TRA. (aside, whispering.)  Don’t you hear — “They were « once »”?  He seems hardly able to refrain from tears.  THEO.  At what price did you purchase them?  SIM.  I gave three minae for the two, besides the shipping.  (He retires to some distance.)  THEO. (after looking close at them, to TRANIO).  Why, upon my word, they are much more unsound than I thought them at first.  SIM.  Why so?  THEO.  Because, i’ faith, the woodworm has split them both from the bottom.
TR.  Intempestivos excissos credo;  id eis vitium nocet. Atque etiam nunc satis boni sunt, si sunt inducti pice. non enim hæc pultifagus opifex opera fecit barbarus. ¿ Vide(s)-n(e) coagmenta in foribus ?  TH.  Video.  TR.  Specta quam arte dormiunt. TH.  ¿ Dormiunt ?  TR.  Illud quidem « ut conivent » volui dicere.	830
TRA.  I think they were cut at an improper season;  that fault damages them;  but even as it is, they are quite good enough, if they are covered with pitch.  But it was no foreign porridge-eating workman [10] did this work.  Don’t you see the joints at the door? (Pointing to the crevices between the door and the jamb.)  THEO.  I see them.  TRA.  Look how close together they are sleeping.  THEO.  Sleeping?  TRA.  That is, “how they close [their eyes],” I meant to say.
[Footnote 10:  Foreign porridge-eating workman ) — Ver. 828.  From the use of the word “pultifagus,” he probably alludes to Carthaginian workmen, who were very skilful at working in wood.  In the Pœnulus, Hanno the Carthaginian is called “patruus pultiphagonides,” “the pulse-eating kinsman.”  If this is the meaning, it is pretty clear that he is not speaking in praise of the workmanship.  Some, however, think that as, in early times, the lower classes at Rome lived upon “puls,” “pap” or “pottage,” the Scene being at Athens, Roman workmen are alluded to;  if so, he may mean to speak in praise of the work, and to say that no bungling artists made the doors.  The joints are said to “close their eyes”, from the close conjunction of the eyelids in the act of winking.]
¿ Sati(s)-n(e) habes ?  TH.  Ut quicquid magis contemplo, tanto magis placet. TR. (Points to inside the house.)  ¿ Vide(s)-n(e) pictum, ubi ludificat cornix una volturios duos ? TH.  Non, edepol, video.  TR.  At ego video.  Nam inter volturios duos cornix astat.  Ea volturios duo vicissim vellicat. Quæso, huc ad me specta, cornicem ut conspicere possies.	835
Are you satisfied?  THEO.  The more I look at each particular, the more it pleases me.  TRA.  (pointing.)  Don’t you see the painting, where one crow [11] is baffling two vultures?  THEO.  No, by heavens, I don’t see it.  TRA.  But I see it.  For the crow is standing between the two vultures;  it’s pecking at them both in turn.  This way, look, prithee, towards me [12], that you may be able to see the crow.
[Footnote 11:  Where one crow) — Ver. 832.  By the “crow,” he means himself;  and by the “vultures,” the two old men.  Simo is probably standing at some distance off;  and knowing that his master’s sight is not good, he feels that he may deride him with impunity.]
[Footnote 12:  Towards me) — Ver. 835.  “Ad me.”  Theoripides thinks he means “in my direction;”  whereas Tranio really means, “look ‘at me’ and you will see the crow,”  though he does not intend that his master should take it in that sense.]
¿ Jam vides ?  TH.  Profecto nullam equidem illic cornicem intuor. TR.  At tu isto ad vos obtueris, quoniam cornicem nequīs conspicari, si volturios forte possis contueri. TH.  Omnino, ut te absolvam, nullam pictam conspicio hīc avem. TR.  Age, jam mitto, ignosco :  Ætate non quīs obtueri.	840
(THEOPROPIDES turns towards him.)  Now do you see it?  THEO. (looking about.)  For my part, I really see no crow there.  TRA.  But do you look in that direction, towards yourselves, since you cannot discover the crow, if perchance you may be able to espy the vultures.  (THEOPROPIDES turns towards SIMO.)  Now do you see them?  THEO.  Upon my faith, I don’t see them.  TRA.  But I can see two vultures.  THEO.  To make an end of it with you, I don’t see any bird at all painted here.  TRA.  Well then, I give it up.  I excuse you;  it is through age you cannot see.
TH.  Hæc, quæ possum, ea mihi profecto cuncta vehementer placent. SI.  Latius demum est operæ pretium ivisse.  TH.  Recte, edepol, mones.  (One of Simo’s slaves appears.) SI. (To the slave.)  Eho, istum, puere, circumduce hasce ædes et conclavia. (To Theopropides.)  Nam egomet ductarem, nisi mi esset apud forum negotium. TH.  Apage a me istum perductorem, nil moror ductari.	845
THEO.  These things which I can see, really they do all please me mightily.  SIM. (coming forward).  Now, at length, it’s worth your while to move further on.  THEO.  Troth, you give good advice.  (One of Simo’s slaves appears.)  SIM.  (To the slave.)  Ho there, boy!  Take this person round this house and the apartments.  But I myself would have shown you round, if I hadn’t had business at the Forum.  THEO.  Away with any one to show me over.  I don’t want to be shown over [13].
[Footnote 13:  Take round … shown round … shown over) — Vver. 843-5.  Play on the words “perducto, perductor” which, like “duco” and many of its derivatives, often has a pejorative sense in everyday language.  Sometimes a “perductor” was an agent of a “leno” (pimp), sometimes the “leno” himself.  Asconius (ad CIC., lib. I. in Verr.) also says that a “perductor” employed violence if the “leno” was unable to find consenting individuals.]
Quicquid est, errabo potius quam perductet quispiam. SI.  Ædes dico.  TH.  Ergo intro eo igitur sine perductore.  SI.  Ilicet. TH.  Ibo intro igitur.  TR.  Mane, sis, videam, ne canis …. TH.  Agedum vide.  (Simo goes into the house.) TR. (Tranio turns to the audience and ridicules Simo.)  ¡ St !  ¡ Abi, canis !  ¡ St !  ¿ Abin dierecta ?  ¿ Abi(s)-n(e) hinc in malam crucem ?	849-850
Whatever it is, I’d rather go wrong than any one should show me over.  SIM.  The house I’m speaking of.  THEO.  Then I’ll go in without any one to show me over.  SIM.  Go, by all means.  (Simo goes into the house.)  THEO.  I’ll go in-doors, then.  TRA. (holding him back.)  Stop, please;  let me see whether the dog …. THEO.  Very well then, look.  (TRANIO looks into the passage.)  TRA.  There is one.  THEO. (looking in.)  Where is it?  TRA. (allegedly to the dog, but actually ridiculing Simo.)  Be off and be hanged!  St, won’t you be off to utter perdition with you?
¿ At etiam restas ?  ¡ St !  ¡ Abi istinc !  (Simo comes back out.)  SI.  Nil pericli est.  ¡ Age modo !	851
What, do you still linger?  St, away with you from here!  SIM.  (coming to the door.)  There’s no danger.  Just go on in.
Tam placida’st, quam feta quævis.  Ire intro audacter licet. Eo ego hinc ad forum.   TH.  Fecisti commode.  Bene ambula.  (Simo leaves to the right.) (To Tranio.)  Tranio, age, canem istam a foribus aliquis abducat, face, etsi non metuenda est.  TR.  Quin tu illam aspice ut placide accubat.	855
It’s as gentle [14] as any pregnant female.  You may boldly step in-doors wherever you like.  I’m going hence to the Forum.  THEO.  You’ve acted obligingly.  Good speed to you!  (Exit SIMO to the right.)  Tranio, come, have someone take that dog away from the door, even if it isn’t to be feared.  TRA. (Pointing to the dog.)  Nay but, you look at it, how peacefully it lies.
[Footnote 14:  It’s as gentle) — Ver. 852.  This, probably, is intended to refer to the statue of a dog lying down in the vestibule, and not a real one.  Pictures of dogs, with “CAVE CANEM” written beneath, were sometimes painted on the wall near the door.]
Nisi molestum vis videri te atque ignavum …,  TH.  Jam ut libet. Sequere hac me igitur.  TR.  Equidem haud usquam a pedibus abscedam tuis.  (Both go into Simo’s house.  The door closes behind them.)	857
Unless you’d like yourself to appear troublesome and cowardly ….  THEO. Very well, just as you like.  Follow me this way then.  TR. For my part, I shall not move in any direction from your feet. (They go into the house.)
ACTUS IV Scene IV 1:  Phaniscus Phaniscus comes onto the stage from the right, talks to the audience while pacing back and forth or in place.
IV.i PHANISCUS  Servi qui, quum culpa carent, tamen malum metuunt, ii solent esse eris utiles. Nam illi qui nil metuunt, postquam sunt malum meriti,	860
PHA. (to himself.)  Servants who, though they are free from fault, still stand in awe of punishment, those same are wont to be serviceable to their masters.  But those who fear nothing, after they have merited punishment,
stulta sibi expetunt consilia. Exercent sese ad cursuram — fugiunt.  Sed ii, si reprehensi sunt, faciunt de malo peculium, quod nequeunt de bono. ¡ Augent ex pauxillo — thesaurum inde parant !	864-865
hit upon foolish plans for themselves:  they exercise themselves in running;  they take to flight.  But, if they are caught, they acquire from punishment a hoard, which by good means they cannot.  They increase from a very little, and from that they lay by a treasure.
Mihi in pectore consilium est cavere malam rem, prius	866
The resolution that’s in my mind is to be determined to be on my guard against punishment, before
quam ut meum tergum doleat. Ut adhuc fuit, mihi corium esse oportet : sincerum atque ita, ut vetem verberari. (Points to himself.)  Si huic imperabo, probe tectum habebo.	870
my back should suffer.  As hitherto it has been, so does it become my hide still to be, without a bruise, and such that I should decline its being beaten.  If I have any control over it, I shall keep it well covered up. [1]
[Footnote 1:  Well covered up) — Ver. 870.  He alludes to the practice of stripping disobedient slaves, for the purpose of flogging them.]
Malum quum impluit ceteris, ¡ ne impluat mihi ! Nam ut servi volunt esse erum, ita solet : Boni sunt — bonu’st ;  improbi sunt — malus fit. Nam nunc domi nostræ tot pessimi vivunt, peculii sui prodigi, plagigeruli.	875
When punishment is being showered down on others, don’t let it be showered down on me.  But as servants wish their master to be, such is he wont to be.  He is good to the good, bad to the bad.  But now at our house at home there do live so many rogues, lavish of their property [2], lash-bearers.
[Footnote 2:  Lavish of their property ) — Ver. 875.  That is, of their backs.]
Ubi adversum ut eant vocantur, ero :  « Non eo.  ¡ Molestus ne sis ! Scio quod properas :  Gestis aliquo ….   Jam hercle, ire vis, mula, foras pastum. » Bene merens hoc pretii inde abstuli.  Abii foras. Solus nunc eo adversum ero ex plurimis servis.	879-880
When they are called to go fetch their master, they reply, “I’m not going;  don’t bother me;  I know what you want to rush and do.  You have an urge to get somewhere ….  Now, faith, you mule, you’re longing to go to pasturage out of doors [3].”  I have merited well, making off with this reward from them.  I got to go out.  I alone, out of so many servants, am now going to fetch my master.
[Footnote 3:  To pasturage out of doors ) — Ver. 878.  This was probably a proverbial phrase for going to the “thermopolium,” the “hot liquor-shop” or “tippling-house,” so much frequented by the slaves.]
Hŏc die crastino quum erus resciverit,	881
When my master comes to know this tomorrow,
mane castigabit eos bubulis exuviis. Postremo, minoris pendo tergum illorum quam meum. Illi erunt bucædæ multo potius quam ego sim restio.  (Begins to pace again.)	884
in the morning he will chastise them with bull’s-hide spoils.  In fine, I care less for their backs than for my own.  Much rather shall they be oxhide-scourged boys than I a ropemaker [4].  (Moves on.)
[Footnote 4:  oxhide-scourged boys … ropemaker )  Ver. 884.  “Bucædae … restio.”  The latter word properly signifies “a ropemaker.”  The former is probably coined by Plautus.  Phaniscus means he will not be making whips for his own scourging.]
ACTUS IV Scene IV 2:  Pinacium, Phaniscus Pinacium comes in from the right with Phaniscus on his heels.
IV.ii PINACIUM  ¡ Mane tu atque assiste ilico,	885
PIN.  Halt, you, and stop this instant!
Phanisce !  (Phaniscus goes on, not turning around.)  ¿ Etiam respicis ? PHAN.  Mihi molestus ne sies.  PIN.  ¡ Vide ut fastidit simia !	886a
PIN.  Phaniscus!  (Phaniscus doesn’t turn to look at him.)  Even turn around to look?  PHA. (With a scornful gesture.)  Don’t annoy me.  SER. Look how scornful the monkey is!
¿ Manesne ilico, impure parasite ?	887a
SER.  Are you going to stop this instant, you dirty parasite?
PHAN.  ¿ Qui parasitus sum ?  PIN.  Ego enim dicam :  Cibo perduci poteris quovis. PHAN.  Mihi sum, libet ēsse.  ¿ Quid id curas ? PIN.  Ferocem facis, quia te erus amat.  PHAN.  ¡ Vah !	890
PHA. (turning round.)  How am I a parasite?  PIN.  Why, I’ll tell you:  you can be drawn anywhere by food.  PHA.  I’m my own master;  I like eating.  Why should you care?  PIN.  You act with insolence because your master’s so fond of you.
Oculi dolent.  PIN.  ¿ Cur ?  PHAN.  Quia fumus molestu’st. PIN.  Tace, sis, faber, qui cudere soles plumbeos nummos. PHAN.  Non potes tu cogere me, ut tibi maledicam. Novit erus me.  PIN.  Suam quidem, pol, culcitulam oportet.	894-895
PHA. (rubbing his eyes.)  O dear, my eyes do ache [5].  SER.  Why so?  PHA.  Because the smoke’s so troublesome.  SER.  Hold your tongue, will you, you clever workman, who are in the habit of coining money out of lead [6].  PHA.  You cannot compel me to curse you.  My master knows me.  SER.  Why, really, his own little pillow [7] he ought to know.
[Footnote 5:  My eyes do ache ) — Ver. 891.  Phaniscus probably means to say, that the sight of him is as annoying to his eyes as smoke can be.]
[Footnote 6:  Money out of lead ) — Ver. 892.  According to Erasmus, (Adagia Chil. v. Cent. 1,) this was a proverbial expression among the Romans, signifying the ability to put on a specious appearance.]
[Footnote 7:  His own pillow ) — Ver. 894.  There is an indelicate allusion in this line.]
PHAN.  Si sobrius sis, male non dicas.  PIN.  ¿ Tibi obtemperem, quum tu mihi nequeas ?	896
PHA.  If you were rational, you wouldn’t be abusive.  SER.  Am I to give heed to you, when you won’t to me?
PHAN.  At tu mecum, pessime, ito adversus.  Quæso, hercle, abstine jam sermonem de istis rebus.  (They go to Theopropides’s house.)  PIN.  Faciam et pultabo fores.  (Knocks on the door.) Heus, ¿ ecquis hic est, maximam his qui injuriam foribus defendat ?  ¿ Ecquis has aperit fores ?	900
PHA.  But, you scoundrel, you come along with me to fetch him.  I beseech you, by heavens:  now drop the talk about such things.  (They approach Theopropides’s house.)  PIN.  I’ll do so — and knock at the door.  (Knocks at the door of THEOPROPIDES’s house.) Hallo there!  Is there any person here to protect this door from damage?  (Knocking again.)  Is there any one, any one, I say, to open this door?
Homo nemo hinc quidem foras exit. Ut adesse addecet nequam homines, ita sunt. Sed eo magis cauto est opus, ne huc exeat qui male me mulcet.  (The two slaves now listen at the door and windows and disappear during the next scene as they investigate around and behind the house.)	903
Why, really, no one comes out here.  Just as befits such worthless fellows, as they are.  But for that very reason there is all the more need to be cautious that no one may come out and beat me up.  (They stand aside.)
Scene IV 3:  Tranio, Theopropides Theopropides and Tranio come out of Simo’s house.  Theopropides is in an extremely good mood.
IV.iii TRANIO  ¿ Quid tibi visum est mercimonii ? THEOPROPIDES  Totus, totus gaudeo. TR.  ¿ Num nimio emptæ tibi videntur ? TH.  Nusquam, edepol, ego me scio	905
SCENE II.  (Enter TRANIO and THEOPROPIDES, from the house of SIMO.) TRA.  What’s your opinion of this deal?  THEO.  I am totally delighted.  TRA.  Does it seem to you to have been bought too dear?  THEO.  I’ faith, I’m sure that I never anywhere
vidisse usquam abjectas ædes, nisi modo hasce.  TR.  ¿ Ecquid placent ? TH.  ¿ Ecquid placeant, me rogas ?  Immo, hercle, vero perplacent. TR.  ¿ Cujusmodi gynæceum ?  ¿ Quid porticum ?  TH.  Insanum bonam. Non equidem ullam in publico esse majorem hac existimo. TR.  Quin ego ipse et Philolaches in publico omnes porticus	910
saw a house thrown away, this one only excepted.  TRA.  Does it please you, then?  THEO.  Does it please me, do you ask me?  Why yes, upon my faith, it really does please me very much.  TRA.  What a fine set of rooms for the women!  What a porch!  THEO.  Exceedingly fine.  For my part, I don’t think that there is any porch larger than this in the public buildings.  TRA.  Why, I myself and Philolaches have measured all the porches in the public buildings.
sumus commensi.  TH.  ¿ Quid igitur ?  TR.  Longe omnium longissima est. TH.  ¡ Di immortales, mercimonii lepidi !  Si, hercle, nunc ferat sex talenta magna argenti pro istis præsentaria, numquam accipiam.  TR.  Si, hercle, accipere cupies, ego numquam sinam. TH.  Bene res nostra collocata est istoc mercimonio.	915
THEO.  Well, what then?  TRA.  This is far larger than all of them.  THEO.  Immortal Gods — a splendid bargain!  On my word, if he were now to offer six great talents of silver, cash, for it, I would never take it.  TRA.  Upon my faith, if you were inclined to take it, I would never let you.  THEO.  My money has been well invested upon this purchase.
TR.  Me suasore atque impulsore id factum, audacter dicito, qui subegi fenore argentum ab danista ut sumeret, quod isti dedimus arraboni.  TH.  Servavisti omnem ratem. ¿ Nempe octoginta debentur huic minæ ?  TR.  Haud nummo amplius. TH.  Hodie accipiat.  TR.  Ita enim vero, ne qua causa subsiet.	920
TRA.  Boldly confess that by my advice and prompting it was done, who urged him to take up the money of the Banker upon interest, which we paid this person by way of deposit.  THEO.  You’ve saved the whole ship.  Eighty minae [1], you say, are owing him for it?  TRA.  Not a coin more.  THEO.  He may have it to-day.  TRA.  By all means so, that there may be no dispute arising.
[Footnote 1:  Eighty minae ) — Ver. 919.  Forty having been already paid (according to his story) as a deposit, and there being 120 minae in two talents.]
Vel mihi denumerato;  ego illi porro denumeravero. TH.  At enim ne quid captioni mihi sit, si dederim tibi. TR.  ¿ Egone te joculo modo audeam dicto aut facto fallere ? TH.  ¿ Egone abs te audeam non cavere, ne quid committam tibi ? TR.  ¿ Quia tibi umquam quicquam, postquam tuus sum, verborum dedi ?	925
Or else pay them over to me, I’ll then pay them over to him.  THEO. But still, don’t let there be any taking me in, if I do give them to you.  TRA. Would I dare to deceive you in deed or word even in jest only?  THEO. Would I dare not to be on my guard against you, so as not to trust anything to you?  TRA. Because I have ever tricked you in anything, since I was your servant?
TH.  Ego enim cavi recte :  ¡ Eam mihi dis gratiam atque animo meo ! Sat sapio, si abs te modo uno caveo.  TR. (To himself.)  Tecum sentio. TH.  Nunc abi rus, dic me advenisse filio.  TR.  Faciam, ut jubes. TH.  Curriculo jube in urbem veniat jam simul tecum.  TR.  Licet.	929-930
THEO.  But I’ve taken good care of that;  I owe thanks to the gods and my own judgment for that.  If I’m only on my guard against you solely, I’m quite wise enough.  TRA. (aside).  I agree with you.  THEO.  Now be off into the country;  tell my son that I’ve arrived.  TRA.  I’ll do as you wish.  THEO.  On the run, now:  bid him come to the city at once together with you.  TRA.  Very well.
(To himself.)  Nunc ego me illac per posticum ad congerrones conferam.	931
(Aside.)  Now I’ll betake myself this way by the back-door to my boon-companions;
Dicam ut hic res sint quietæ, atque hunc ut hinc amoverim.  (Tranio exits left;  Theopropides stands waiting in front of Simo’s house.)	932
I’ll tell them that things are quiet here, and how I have kept him away from here.  (Exit.)
Scene IV 3:  Phaniscus, Pinacium, Theopropides The two slaves appear again and position themselves before Theopropides’s house.
IV.iv PHAN.  Hic quidem neque convivarum sonitus est item ut antehac fuit, neque tibicinam cantantem neque alium quemquam audio. TH. (Sees the slaves and approaches them, speaking to himself.)  ¿ Quæ illa res est ?  ¿ Quid illi homines quærunt apud ædes meas ?	935
PHA. (coming forward.)  Really, I don’t hear either the sound of revellers here, as it was before, nor yet the flute-girl playing, nor any one else.  (Goes towards the door.)  THEO. (To himself.)  What’s the matter here?  What are these people seeking at my house?
¿ Quid volunt ?  ¿ Quid intro spectant ?  PIN.  Pergam pultare ostium. ¡ Heus, reclude !  ¡ Heus, Tranio !  ¿ Etiamne aperis ?  TH. (To himself.)  ¿ Quæ hæc est fabula ? PIN.  ¿ Etiamne aperis ?  Callidamati nostro adversum venimus. TH. (Steps up and speaks to the slaves.)  ¡ Heus vos, pueri !  ¿ Quid istic agitis ?  ¿ Quid istas ædes frangitis ? PHAN.  Heus, senex, ¿ quid tu percontaris ad te quod nihil attinet ?	940
What do they want?  What are they peeping in for?  PHA.  I shall proceed to knock at the door.  (Knocks.)  Hallo there, unlock the door!  Hallo, Tranio!  Are you going to open it, I say?  THEO. (advancing.)  What story’s this, I wonder?  PHA. (aloud.)  Are you going to open it, I say?  We’ve come to fetch our master Callidamates.  THEO.  Harkye, you lads!  what are you doing there?  Why are you breaking down that door?  PHA.  Hey, old man, why are you asking about something that is none of your business?
TH.  ¿ Nihil ad me attinet ?  PHAN.  Nisi forte factu's præfectus novus, qui res alienas procures, quæras, videas, audias. TH.  ¡ Meæ sunt istæ ædes, ubi statis !  PHAN.  ¿ Quid ais ?  ¿ An jam vendidit ædes Philolaches ?  Aut quidem iste nos defrustratur senex. TH.  Vera dico.  Sed ¿ quid vobis est negotii hic ?  PHAN.  Eloquar.  Erus hic noster potat.	945
TH.  None of my business?  PHA.  Unless perchance you have been made a new prefect who involves himself in other people’s property, investigates it, spies on it, listens around it.  TH.  The house you’re standing at is mine!  PHA.  What are you saying?  Has Philolaches now sold the house?  Or is this old man pulling our leg?  TH.  I’m telling the truth.  But what is your business here?  PHA.  I’ll tell you.  Our master’s at a drinking-party here.
TH.  ¿ Erus hic vester potat ?  PHAN. Ita loquor. TH.  Puere, nimium delicatu's.  PHAN.  Ei adversum venimus. TH.  ¿ Cui homini ?  PHAN.  ¡ Ero nostro !  ¿ Quæso, quotiens dicendum’st tibi ? TH.  Puere, nemo hic habitat.  Nam te esse arbitror puerum probum. PHAN.  ¿ Non hic Philolaches adulescens habitat hisce in ædibus ?	950
THEO.  Your master at a drinking-party here?  PHA.  As I say.  THEO.  You’re carrying the joke too far, my lad.  PHA.  We’ve come to fetch him.  THEO.  What person?  PHA.  Our master.  Prithee, how often must I tell you?  THEO.  There’s no one living here, my lad;  for I do think that you are a decent lad.  PHA.  Doesn’t a young gentleman called Philolaches live in this house?
TH.  Habitavit.  — Verum emigravit jam diu ex hisce ædibus. PIN. (To Phaniscus.)  Senex hic elleborosu’st certe.  PHAN. (To Theopropides.)  Erras perverse, pater. Nam nisi hinc hodie emigravit aut heri, certo scio hic habitare.  TH.  Quin sex menses jam hic nemo habitat.  PIN.  ¡ Somnias ! TH.  ¿ Egone ?  PIN.  Tu.  TH.  ¡ Tu ne molestu's !  Sine me cum puero loqui.	955
SER. (aside.)  This old fellow’s crack-brained, surely.  PHA.  You are entirely mistaken, daddykins [1];  for unless he moved from here today or yesterday, I know for certain that he’s living here.  THEO.  Why, no one has been living here for these six months past.  SER.  You are dreaming.  THEO.  What, I?  SER.  You.  THEO.  Don’t you be impertinent.  Let me speak to the lad.  (Pointing to PHANISCUS.)
[Footnote 1:  daddykins ) — Ver. 952.  “Pater,” Literally, “father.”]
(To Phaniscus.)  Nemo habitat.  PHAN.  Habitat profecto, nam heri et nudius tertius, quartus, quintus, sextus, usque postquam hinc peregre ejus pater abiit, numquam hic triduum unum desitum est potari. TH.  ¿ Quid ais ?  PHAN.  Triduum unum est haud intermissum hic ēsse et bibi, scorta duci, pergræcari, fidicinas, tibicinas	960
No one lives there.  PHA.  He does indeed.  Why, yesterday and the day before, four, five, six days ago, all along, in fact, since his father went abroad from here, eating and drinking have never ceased for a single three days here.  THEO.  What are you saying?  PHA.  That eating and drinking have never stopped for a single three days here, bringing in hookers, living like Greeks, hiring harpists and flute-girls.
ducere.  TH.  ¿ Quis istæc faciebat ?  PHAN.  Philolaches.  TH.  ¿ Qui Philolaches ? PHAN.  Cui patrem Theopropidem esse opinor.  TH.  ¡ Ei  mihi !  Occĭdi, si hæc hic vera memorat.  Pergam porro percontari. (To Phaniscus.)  ¿ Ai(s)-n(e) tu istic potare solitum Philolachem istum, quisquis est, cum ero vestro ?  PHAN.  Hic, inquam.  TH.  Puere, præter speciem stultus es.	965
THEO.  Who was it did this?  PHA.  Philolaches.  THEO.  What Philolaches?  PHA.  He whose father I take to be Theoropides.  THEO. (apart.)  O dear, O dear!  I’m utterly undone, if he says the truth in this.  I’ll continue to question him still.  Do you say that this Philolaches, whoever he is, has been in the habit of drinking here together with your master?  PHA.  Here, I tell you.  THEO.  My lad, contrary to your appearance, you are a fool.
Vide, sis, ne forte ad merendam quopiam deverteris atque ibi amplius quam quod satis fuerit biberis.  PHAN.  ¿ Quid est ? TH.  Ita dico, ne ad alias ædes perperam deveneris. PHAN.  Scio qua me ire oportet et, quo venerim, novi locum. Philolaches hic habitat, cujus est pater Theopropides.	970
See now, please, that you’ve not perchance been dropping in somewhere for an afternoon’s whet [2], and have been drinking there a little more than was enough.  PHA.  What do you mean?  THEO.  Just what I say;  don’t be going by mistake to other persons’ houses.  PHA.  I know where I ought to go, and the place to which I was to come.  Philolaches lives here, whose father is Theoropides;
[Footnote 2:  An afternoon’s whet ) — Ver. 966.  “Merendam.”  According to some, this meal was the same as the “prandium,” or “breakfast;”  while others take it to have been a slight meal or luncheon, taken at about four or five in the afternoon.]
Qui, postquam pater ad mercatum hinc abiit, hic tibicinam liberavit.  TH.  ¿ Philolachesne ergo …?  PHAN.  Ita, Philematium quidem. TH.  ¿ Quanti ?  PHAN.  Triginta.  TH.  ¿ Talentis ?  PHAN.  ¡ Ma ton Apollo, sed minis ! TH.  ¿ Liberavit ?  PHAN.  Liberavit valide, triginta minis.	973a
and who, after his father went away to trade, made free a flute-girl here.  THEO.  Philolaches, say you?  PHA.  Just so;  Philematium, I mean.  THEO.  For how much?  PHA.  For thirty.  TH.  Talents?  PHA.  No, by Apollo [3];  but minæ!  THEO.  Made her free?  PHA.  He did indeed free her, for thirty minæ.
[Footnote 3:  No, by Apollo ) — Ver. 973.  [Greek:  Ma ton Apollo].  He uses a Greek adjuration.]
TH.  ¿ Ai(s)-n(e) minis triginta amicam destinatam Philolachem … ? PHAN.  Ajo.  TH.  ¿ Atque eam manu emisisse ?  PHAN.  Ajo. TH.  ¿ Et postquam ejus hinc pater sit profectus peregre, perpotasse assiduo ac simul tuo cum domino ?  PHAN.  Ajo. TH.  ¿ Quid ?  ¿ Is ædes emit has hinc proximas ? PHAN.  Non ajo.  TH.  ¿ Quadraginta etiam dedit, huic quæ essent pignori ? PHAN.  Neque istud ajo.  TH.  Ei, perdis.  PHAN.  Immo suum patrem ille perdidit. TH.  Vera cantas.  PHAN.  Vana vellem.  Patris amicu's videlicet.	980
THEO.  Do you say that Philolaches purchased a mistress for thirty minae?  PHA.  I do say so.  THEO.  And that he gave her her freedom?  PHA.  I do say so.  THEO.  And that after his father had departed hence abroad, he has been carousing here continually with your master?  PHA.  I do say so.  THEO.  Well, has he made purchase of the house next door here?  PHA.  I don’t say so.  THEO.  Has he given forty minae, too, to this person, to be as a deposit?  PHA.  Nor yet do I say so.  THEO.  Ah me!  You’ve proved my ruin!  PHA.  Aye, and he has proved the ruin of his own father.  THEO.  You prophesy the truth!  PHA.  I could wish it false!  A friend of his father, I suppose?
TH.  ¡ Heus, edepol, patrem ejus miserum prædicas !  PHAN.  Nil hoc quidem est, triginta minæ, præquam alios dapsiles sumptus facit. TH.  Perdidit patrem.  PHAN.  ¡ Unus iste servus est sacerrimus, — Tranio !  Is vel Herculis conterere quæstum potest. Edepol, nē, me ejus patris miseret, qui quum istæc sciet	985
THEO.  Ah me!  Upon my faith, you do pronounce him to be a wretched father.  PHA.  Why really, this is nothing at all — thirty minæ, in comparison with the other prodigal expenditures he has made.  He has ruined his father.  There’s one servant there, a very great scoundrel, Tranio by name;  he could even waste the revenue of a Hercules [4].  On my word, I feel very sorry for his father;  for when he comes to know that things
[Footnote 4:  The revenue of a Hercules ) — Ver. 984.  It was the custom with many to devote to Hercules the tenth part of their possessions.  Consequently, the revenues belonging to the Temples of this Deity would be especially large.]
facta ita, amburet ei misero corculum carbunculus. TH.  Si quidem istæc vera sunt.  PHAN.  ¿ Quid merear, quamobrem mentiar ? PIN. (Knocks on the door again.)  ¡ Heus vos !  ¿ Ecquis hasce aperit ?  PHAN. (To Pinacium.)  ¿ Quid istas pultas, ubi nemo intus est ? Alio credo comissatum abiisse.  Abeamus nunciam ….  (He begins to leave.) TH. (Imploringly tries to stop him and calls out.)  Puere … PHAN. (Still speaking to Pinacium.)  … ¡ atque porro quæritemus !  ¡ Sequere hac me !  PIN. Sequor.	990
have gone on thus, a hot coal will be scorching his breast, poor man.  THEO.  If, indeed, this is the truth.  PHA.  What would I gain for which I would tell a lie?  PIN. (Knocks again at the door.)  Hallo, you!  Is any one coming to open this door?  PHA.  Why do you knock in this way, when there’s no one in?  I think he’s gone elsewhere to carouse.  Now then, let’s leave …  (He moves as if going.) TH. (Imploringly tries to stop him and calls out.)  Lad …!  PHA. (Still speaking to Pinacium.)  … and go on looking for him.  Follow me.  PIN.  I’m following.
TH. (Again calls after Phaniscus.)  Puere, ¿ jamne abis ?  PHAN. (To Theopropides.)  Libertas pænula’st tergo tuo : Mihi, nisi ut erum metuam et curem, nil est qui tergum tegam.  (Phaniscus and Pinacium exit right.)	992
THEO.  What, my lad, are you leaving already?  PHA. (To Theopropides.)  Liberty’s the overcoat for your back.  Nothing have I with which to cover my back, except to pay respect and service to my master.
Scene IV 5:  Theopropides, Simo
IV.v TH. (To himself.)  ¡ Perii hercle !  ¿ Quid opu’st verbis ?  Ut verba audio, non equidem in Ægyptum hinc modo vectus fui, sed etiam in terras solas orasque ultimas	995
THEO. (To himself.)  I’m undone!  What use are words?  Hearing those words I was certainly not transported hence just to Egypt, but even to desolate lands and the farthest shores.
sum circumvectus, ita, ubi nunc sim nescio. (Simo comes back in from the right, the market side;  Theopropides spies him immediately.) Verum jam scibo, nam eccum, unde ædes filius meus emit.  (To Simo.)  ¿ Quid agis tu ?  SIMO  A foro incedo domum. TH.  ¿ Numquid processit ad forum hodie novi ? SI.  Etiam.  TH.  ¿ Quid tandem ?  SI.  Vidi efferri mortuum. TH.  Hem,	1000
so much am I at a loss to know where I now am.  (Simo comes back in from the right, the market side;  Theopropides spies him immediately.)  But I shall soon know;  for see, here’s the person of whom my son bought the house.  (Enter SIMO.)  THEO.  What are you about?  SIM.  I’m coming home from the Forum.  THEO.  Has anything new been going on at the Forum to-day?  SIM.  Why yes.  THEO.  What is it, pray?  SIM.  I saw a dead man being carried to burial.  THEO.  Dear me!
SI.¡ novum !  SI.  Unum vidi mortuum efferri foras ; modo eum vixisse ajebant.  TH.  ¡ Væ capiti tuo ! SI.  ¿ Quid tu otiosus res novas requiritas ? TH.  Quia hodie adveni peregre.  SI.  Promisi foras ; ad cenam ne me te vocare censeas.	1005
THEO.  That is something new!  SIM.  I saw one who was dead being carried out to burial [1].  They said that he had been alive but just before.  THEO.  Woe to that head of yours for your nonsense!  SIM.  Why are you, thus idling about, enquiring after the news?  THEO.  Because I’ve just arrived from abroad.  SIM.  I’m engaged out to dine:  don’t suppose I shall invite you [2].
[Footnote 1:  Being carried out to burial ) — Ver. 1001.  It is supposed that in this reply he plays upon the question of Theopropides, who uses the word “processit” in his question, which may either mean, “what has been going on?” or “what procession has there been?”]
[Footnote 2:  I shall invite you ) — Ver. 1005.  He alludes to the universal custom of giving friends a “cena viatica,” or welcome entertainment, on arriving from off a journey.]
TH.  Haud postulo, edepol.  SI.  Verum cras, nisi quis prius vocaverit me, vel apud te cenavero. TH.  Ne istuc quidem, edepol, postulo.  Nisi quid magis es occupatus, operam mihi da.  SI.  Maxime. TH.  Minas quadraginta accepisti, quod sciam,	1010
THEO.  I’ faith, I don’t want.  SIM.  But, to-morrow, unless any person invites me first, I’ll even dine with you.  THEO.  I’ faith, and that, too, I don’t want.  Unless you are engaged with something of greater importance, lend me your attention.  SIM.  By all means.  THEO.  You have received, as far as I understand, forty minae
a Philolachete.  SI.  Numquam nummum, quod sciam. TH.  ¿ Quid ?  ¿ A Tranione servo ?  SI.  Multo id minus. TH.  ¿ Quas arraboni tibi dedit ?  SI.  ¿ Quid somnias ? TH.  ¿ Egone ?  At quidem tu, qui istōc te speras modo posse dissimulando infectum hoc reddere.	1015
of Philolaches.  SIM.  Never a coin, so far as I know.  THEO.  What?  Not from my servant Tranio?  SIM.  Much less is that the case.  THEO.  Which he gave you by way of deposit?  SIM.  What are you dreaming about?  THEO.  What, I?  Why, really, ’tis yourself, who hope that, by dissembling in this manner, you’ll be able to make void this bargain.
SI.  ¿ Quid autem ?  TH.  Quod me absente hic tecum filius negotii gessit.  SI.  ¿ Mecum ut ille hic gesserit, dum tu hinc abes, negotii ?  ¿ Quidnam ?  ¿ Aut quo die ?	1018-1020
SIM.  Why, what do you mean?  THEO.  The business that, in my absence, my son transacted with you here.  SIM.  How did your son, in your absence, transact any business with me?  What pray, or on what day?
TH.  Minas tibi octoginta argenti debeo.	1021
THEO.  I owe you eighty minæ of silver.
SI.  Non mihi quidem, hercle ;  verum, si debes, ¡ cedo ! Fides servanda est :  ¡ Ne ire infitias postules ! TH.  Profecto non negabo debere et dabo. Tu cave quadraginta accepisse te neges.	1025
SIM.  Not to me, indeed, upon my faith;  but still, if you do owe them, give them me.  Faith must be kept.  Don’t be attempting to deny it.  THEO.  Assuredly, I shall not deny that I owe them;  and I shall pay them.  Do you take care how you deny that you received the forty from him.
SI.  Quæso, edepol, huc me aspecta et responde mihi : ¿ Cur mihi dederit quadraginta minas	1026a
SIM. Troth now, prithee, look this way at me, and answer me.  Why was I given forty minæ
filius, ut ais, debebat ?  TH.  Ego dicam tibi.	1026b
by your son?  THEO.  I will tell you.
Tanti argenti emit	1026c
It was for that sum that he bought
de te ædes. SI.  ¿ De me ille ædes emerit ?	1026d
your house from you.
TH.  Ipse mi, præsente servo, ædes tradidisti.	1026e
SI.  Te velle uxorem ajebat tuo nato dare ; ¡ ideo ædificare hic velle ajebat in tuis ! TH.  ¿ Hic ædificare volui ?  SI.  Sic dixit mihi. TH. (In sudden desperation.)  ¡ Ei mihi !  ¡ Disperii !  ¡ Vocis non habeo satis !	1030
He said that you were wishful to give a wife to your son; for that reason, he said that you intended building on your own premises.  THEO.  I, intended building here?  SIM.  So he told me.  THEO.  Ah me!  I’m ruined outright!  I’ve hardly any voice left [3].
[Footnote 3:  I’ve hardly any voice left ) — Ver. 1030.  “Vocis non habeo satis.”  Literally, “I have not voice enough.”]
¡  Vicine, perii, interii !  SI. (Still does not completely understand.)  ¿ Numquid Tranio turbavit ?  TH.  Immo, exturbavit omnia. Deludificatu’st me hodie indignis modis. SI.  ¿ Quid tu ais ?  TH.  Hæc res sic est ut narro tibi : Deludificatu’st me hodie in perpetuum modum.	1035
I’m overcome!  I’m dead!  I’m finished!  SIM.  Was it Tranio who caused this chaotic situation?  THEO.  He did.  He threw everything into chaos.  Today he made a fool of me in a humiliating way.  SIM.  What are you saying?  THEO.  Today he made a perpetual laughing stock of me.
Nunc te obsecro, ut me bene juves operamque des. SI.  ¿ Quid vis ?  TH.  I mecum, obsecro, una simul. SI.  Fiat.  TH.  Servorumque operam et lora mihi cedo. SI.  ¡ Sume !  TH.  Eādemque operā hæc tibi narravero, quibus me exemplis hodie eludificatus est.	1040
But now I beg of you to help me and do me a favor.  SIM.  What do you want?  THEO.  Go with me, please, together at the same time.  SIM.  It’ll be done.  THEO.  Lend me your slaves and some whips.  SIM.  Take them!  THEO.  On the way I’ll explain to you the techniques he used to make a fool of me today.  (They go into Simo’s house.)
Scene V 1:  Tranio, Theopropides
ACTUS V V.i TRANIO (Comes onto the stage from the right and stops on the right side.)  Qui homo timidus erit in rebus dubiis, nauci non erit (atque equidem, quid id esse dicam verbum « nauci », nescio). Nam, erus me postquam rus misit filium ut suum arcesserem, abii illac per angiportum ad hortum nostrum clanculum.	1044-1045
(Enter TRANIO.)  TRA. (to himself.)  The man that shall prove timid in critical matters, will not be worth a nutshell.  And, really, to say what that expression, “worth a nutshell,” means, I don’t know.  But after my master sent me into the country to fetch his son hither, I went that way (pointing) slyly through the lane to our garden.
Ostium quod in angiportu est :  patefeci fores ;	1046
The entrance that’s in the lane — I opened that door;
eāque eduxi omnem legionem, et mares et feminas. Postquam ex obsidione in tutum eduxi maniplares meos, capio consilium ut senatum congerronum convocem. Quoniam convocavi — atque illi me ex senatu segregant.	1050
and by that road I led out all the troop, both males and females.  After, from being in a state of siege, I had led out my troops to a place of safety, I adopted the plan of convoking a senate of my comrades, and hardly had it been convoked — and they excluded me from the senate.
Ubi ego me video venire in meo foro, quantum potest facio idem quod plurimi alii quibus res timida aut turbida’st. Pergunt turbare usque, ut nēquid possit conquiescere. Nam scio equidem nullo pacto jam esse posse hæc clam senem.	1054-1055
When I myself perceived that the matter must be decided by my own judgment, as soon as possible, I did the same as many others do, whose affairs are in a critical or a perplexed state;  they proceed to render them more perplexed, so that nothing can be settled.  But I know full well, that now by no means can this be concealed from the old man.
[Here the text is incompletely preserved.  One possibility is that at this point Tranio may have communicated to the audience that the young people (Philolaches, Callidamates) should turn to Theopropides, confess everything to him and ask for his forgiveness.  Another possibility is the following conjecture for the text.]
Non amicus alius quisquam’st.	1056
There is no other friend.
Ibi ara:  mihi paulisper salutem potest dare.  Sanctus is locus, ibi me prehendere non licet.  Dilatio solum temporis est, nam aut aliquando mihi descendendu’st, aut fame moriendu’st.  ¿ Quid hoc proderit ?  Dilatio temporis est, et major eā non est vita tota nostra. ille qui servit ero simul servat vitam.	1059-1060
Over there is an altar:  it could provide me with safety for a little while.  The place is sacrosanct;  he dare not seize me there.  But it’s only a temporary reprieve.  At some time I will have to either get down or die of hunger.  So what’s the use?  It is a temporary reprieve, and the whole of our lives is not more than that.  He who serves a master simultaneously saves his life.
Præoccupabo atque anteveniam et fœdus feriam.  — Me moror.	1061
I will seize the initiative and get there ahead of him and come to an understanding with him.  — I’m delaying.
Sed ¿ quid hoc est, quod fores concrepuit proxima vicinia ?  (He sees Theopropides.) Erus meus hic quidem est.  Gustare ego ejus sermonem volo.	1062-1063
But how’s this, that our next neighbour’s door makes a noise?  Why, surely this is my master:  I’d like to have a taste of his talk.  (Goes aside, out of sight of THEOPROPIDES.)
Scene V 2:  Theopropides, Tranio, Lorarii Behind Theopropides just inside the door to Simo’s house stand slaves with whips and bonds.
THEOPROPIDES (Speaking into the house.)  Ilico intra limen istic astate ut, quum extemplo vocem, continuo exsiliatis.  Manicas celeriter conectite.	1065
(Enter THEOPROPIDES, from SIMO’S house.)  THEO. (in the doorway, speaking to SIMO’S SLAVES).  Do you stand there, in that spot within the threshold;  so that, the very instant I call, you may sally forth at once.  Quickly fasten the handcuffs upon him.
Ego illum ante ædes præstolabor ludificatorem meum, cujus ego hodie ludificabor corium, si vivo, probe. TR. (Realizing the danger, speaking to himself.)  Res palam est.  Nunc te videre meliu’st quid agas, Tranio. TH. (To himself and the audience, outside of Tranio’s hearing.)  Docte atque astu mihi captandum’st cum illo ubi huc advenerit. Non ego illi extemplo hamum ostendam ;  sensim mittam lineam.	1070
I’ll wait before the house for this fellow that makes a fool of me, whose hide I’ll make a fool of in fine style, on my life.  TRA. (apart.) The affair’s all out.  Now it’s best for you, Tranio, to consider what you are to do.  THEO. (to himself.)  I must go to work to catch him cleverly and artfully when he comes here.  I’ll not disclose to him my feelings all at once;  I’ll throw out my line;
Dissimulabo me horum quicquam scire.  TR. (To himself.)  ¡ O mortalem malum ! Alter hōc Athenis nemo doctior dici potest. Verba illi non magis dare hodie quisquam quam lapidi potest. Aggrediar hominem, appellabo.  (Goes toward Theopropides.)  TH. (Not yet seeing Tranio, continuing to speak to himself and the audience.)  Nunc ego, ille huc veniat, velim. TR. (Aloud, to Theopropides.)  Siquidem pol me quæris, assum præsens præsenti tibi.	1075
I’ll conceal the fact that I know anything of these matters.  TRA. (apart.)  O cunning mortal!  Not another person in Athens can be pronounced more clever than he.  One can no more this day deceive him than he can a stone.  I’ll accost the man;  I’ll address him.  THEO. (to himself.).  Now I do wish that he would come here.  TRA. (apart.)  I’ faith, if me indeed you want, here I am ready at hand for you.  (Comes forward.)
TH. (Masking his intent.)  Euge, Tranio.  ¿ Quid agitur ?  TR.  Veniunt rure rustici. Philolaches jam hic aderit.  TH.  Edepol mihi opportune adveneris.  — Nostrum ego hunc vicinum opinor esse hominem audacem et malum. TR.  ¿ Quīdum ?  TH.  Quia negat novisse vos ….  TR.  ¿ Negat ?  TH.  Nec vos sibi nummum umquam argenti dedisse.  TR. (Acts as if innocent and amused but, in what follows, moves gradually closer to the altar.)  ¡ Abi !  — Ludis me, credo.  — Haud negat.	1080
THEO.  Bravo!  Tranio, what’s being done?  TRA.  The country people are coming from the country:  Philolaches will be here in a moment.  THEO.  I’ faith, you have come opportunely for me.  — This neighbour of ours I take to be a shameless and dishonest fellow.  TRA.  How so?  THEO.  Inasmuch as he denies that he knows you ….  TRA.  Denies it?  THEO.  And that you ever gave him a single coin of money.  TRA. (In the follwing verses gradually moving toward the altar.)  Out with you, you are joking me, I do believe;  he doesn’t deny it.
TH.  ¿ Quid jam ?  TR.  Scio :  jocaris tu nunc istuc ;  nam ille quidem haud negat. TH.  Immo, edepol, negat profecto, neque se hasce ædes Philolachi vendidisse.  TR.  ¡ Eho !  ¿ An negavit sibi datum argentum, obsecro ? TH.  Quin jus jurandum pollicitu’st dare se, si vellem, mihi, neque se hasce ædes vendidisse neque sibi argentum datum.	1085
THEO.  How so?  TRA.  I am sure now that you are joking;  for surely he doesn’t deny it.  THEO.  Nay but, upon my faith, he really does deny it;  or that he has sold this house to Philolaches.  TRA.  Well now, pray, has he denied that the money was paid him?  THEO.  Nay more, he offered to take an oath to me, if I desired it, that he had neither sold this house, nor had any money him paid been.
TR.  ¡ Est istuc impossibile ! TH.  Dixi ego istuc idem illi.  TR. (Acts as if totally amazed.)  ¿ Quid ait ?  TH.  Servos pollicitu’st dare suos mihi omnes quæstioni.  TR.  ¡ Nugas !  ¡ Numquam edepol dabit ! TH. (Strongly affirming.)  ¡ Dat profecto !  TR. (Acts as though threatening Simo and with this pretext tries to escape from Theopropides.)  ¡ Quin ego — illum intus si inveniam !  TH. (Holding Tranio back.)  ¡ Mane ! Experiar, ut opinor.  TR.  ¿ « Opinor » ?  ¡ Certum est !  ¡ Mihi hominem cedo !	1090
TRA.  That is impossible!  THEO.  I said the very same thing to him.  TRA.  What did he say?  THEO.  He offered to give up all his servants for torture-interrogation to me.  TRA.  Nonsense!  On my faith, he never will give them up.  THEO.  He is indeed offering them.  TRA.  Really, I — (Seeking to escape.)  let me see if I can find him inside!  THEO.  Halt!  I will give it a try, I think.  TRA.  “I think”?  It’s absolutely certain!  Bring the fellow here to me!
¡ Vel hominem ædes jube mancipio poscere !  TH.  Immo hoc primum volo : quæstioni accipere servos.  TR.  Faciendum, edepol, censeo. TH.  ¿ Quid, si igitur ego arcessam huc homines ?  TR.  Factum jam esse oportuit.  (Runs to the street altar and sits on it.) Ego interim hanc aram occupabo.  TH.  ¿ Quid ita ?  TR.  Nullam rem sapis. Ne enim illi huc confugere possint quæstioni quos dabit.	1095
Or order that the man claim the house with the [official] sales contract.  THEO.  Why no, I want to do this first — get the servants for torture-interrogation [1].  TRA.  My word, I think that ought to be done.  THEO.  So what if I summon men here?  TRA.  That ought to have been done some time ago.  (Runs to the altar and sits on it.)  Meantime, I’ll take possession of this altar [2].  THEO.  What are you doing?  TRA.  You can understand nothing.  Why, that those may not be able to take refuge here whom he shall give up for examination,
[Footnote 1:  Servants for torture-interrogation ) — Ver. 1092.  “Quaestioni.”  “Interrogation by torture;” — which was the method used by the Romans for extracting confessions from slaves.]
[Footnote 2:  Take position of this altar ) — Ver. 1094.  When a person took refuge at an altar, he could not be brought to justice, or have violence offered to his person.  According to some writers, there were always two altars on the stage of Comedy, one on the right hand, sacred to Apollo, and one on the left, devoted to that Divinity or Hero in honor of whom the Play was being acted.]
Hic ego præsidebo, ne interbītat quæstio. TH. (Concealing his rage.)  ¡ Surge !  TR.  Minime.  TH. (Adjuring him.)  Ne occupaveris, obsecro, aram.  TR.  ¿ Cur ?    TH.  Scies ….  (Pondering.) Quia enim id maxime volo, ut illi istuc confugiant.  ¡ Sine ! Tanto apud judicem hunc argenti condemnabo facilius. TR.  ¡ Quod agas, id agas !  ¿ Quid tu porro serere vis negotium ?	1100
I’ll keep guard here for you;  so that the interrogation may not come to nothing.  THEO.  Get up from the altar.  TRA.  By no means.  THEO.  Prithee, don’t take possession of the altar.  TRA.  Why so?  THEO.  You will find out ….  (Pondering.)  Why, because I especially want this, for them to be taking refuge there.  Let them do so;  so much the more easily shall I get him fined before the judge.  TRA.  What you may be intending to do, do it.  Why do you wish to sow further problems?
¿ Nescis quam meticulosa res sit ire ad judicem ? TH.  ¡ Surge dum huc igitur !  Consulere quiddam est quod tecum volo. TR.  Sic tamen hinc consilium dedero.  Nimio plus sapio sedens. Tum consilia firmiora sunt de divinis locis. TH.  ¡ Surge !  ¡ Ne nugare !   ¡ Aspice dum contra me !  TR.  Aspexi.  TH.  ¿ Vides ?	1105
You don’t know how scary a thing it is to go to law.  THEO.  Just get up, (beckoning.) this way;  it’s, then, to ask your advice upon something that I want you.  TRA.  Still, as I am, I’ll give my advice from this spot;  I am much smarter sitting [3].  Besides, advice is given with higher sanction from holy places [4].  THEO.  Get up;  don’t talk nonsense.  (With a gesture expressing good faith and inspiring confidence.)  Just look me in the face.  TRA. (looking at him.)  I am looking.  THEO.  Do you see me?
[Footnote 3:  Much smarter sitting ) — Ver. 1103.  Warner suggests that a little raillery is intended here, upon the custom of sitting when dispensing justice and paying adoration to the Gods.]
[Footnote 4:  With higher sanction from holy places ) — Ver. 1104.  The ancients made use of sacred places for the purpose of debating on affairs of importance in, as being likely to add weight and authority to their judgment.  The Roman Senate often met in the Temples, and there administered justice and gave audience to ambassadors.]
TR.  Video.  Huc si quis intercedat tertius, pereat fame. TH.  ¿ Quidum ?  TR.  Quia nil illi quæsti sit.  Mali, hercle, ambo sumus. TH.  Perii.  TR.  ¿ Quid tibi est ?  TH.  Dedisti verba. TR.  ¿ Qui tandem ?  TH.  Probe me emunxisti.  TR. (Scoffingly.)  Vide, sis, satisne recte :  ¿ Num mucci fluunt ? TH.  Immo etiam cerebrum quoque omne e capite emunxisti meo.	1110
TRA.  I do see — that if any third person were to step in here, he would die of hunger.  THEO.  Why so?  TRA.  Because he would get no profit;  for, upon my faith, we are both wicked ones.  THEO.  I’m undone! TRA.  What’s the matter with you?  THEO.  You have deluded me.  TRA.  How so, pray?  THEO.  You’ve really wiped me clean [5].  TRA. (Scoffingly.)   Consider, please, if it wasn’t well done;  is your nose running still?  THEO.  Aye, all my brains besides have you been wiping out of my head as well.
[Footnote 5:  You’ve wiped me clean ) — Ver. 1109.  “Emungo,” “to wipe the nose” for a person, also meant “to cheat” or “impose upon him;”  probably, by reason of the state of helplessness it implied in the party who was so treated.]
Nam omnia malefacta vestra repperi radicitus — non radicitus quidem, hercle, verum etiam exradicitus. TR. (Laughing.)  ¡ Numquam, edepol, hodie exradicitus desistam tibi ! TH.  Jam jubebo ignem et sarmenta, carnifex, circumdari. TR. (Grinning.)  ¡ Ne feceris !  Nam elixus esse quam assus soleo suavior.	1115
For I have discovered all your evil deeds to their very roots;  and not to their roots, indeed, i’ faith, but even to beneath their very roots.  TRA. (Laughing)  Today, by my troth, I will never uproot myself for you.  THEO.  I shall at once, you villain, order fire and brushwood [6] to be placed around you.  TRA. (Grinning.)  Don’t do it;  for it’s my way to be sweeter boiled than roasted.
[Footnote 6:  Order fire and brushwood ) — Ver. 1114.  Though a suppliant could not be removed from the altar by force, still it was allowable to burn him away, by surrounding him with fire.]
TH.  ¡ Exempla, edepol, faciam ego in te !  TR. (Ironically.)  Quia placeo, ¿ exemplum expetis ? TH.  Loquere :  ¿ Cujusmodi reliqui, quum hinc abibam, filium ? TR. (Scoffingly.)  Cum pedibus, manibus, cum digitis, auribus, oculis, labris. TH.  Aliud te rogo.  TR.  Aliud ergo nunc tibi respondeo.  (Callidamates comes onto the stage from the right.) TR. (To Theopropides.)  Sed eccum :  Tui gnati sodalem video huc incedere,	1120
THEO.  Upon my faith, I’ll make an example of you.  TRA.  Because I please you, you select me for an example ?  THEO.  Say now:  what kind of a person did I leave my son when I went away from here?  TRA.  One with feet and hands, with fingers, ears, eyes, and lips.  THEO.  I asked you something different than that.  TRA.  For that reason I now answer you something different.  (Callidamates comes onto the stage from the right.)  But look, I see the friend of your son, coming this way,
Callidamatem :  Illo præsente mecum agito, si quid voles.	1121
Callidamates.  Deal with me in his presence, if you want anything.
Scene V 3:  Callidamates, Theopropides, Tranio
V.iii CALLIDAMATES (To himself, without noticing the others.)  Ubi somno jam sepelivi omnem atque obdormivi crapulam, Philolaches venisse dixit mihi suum peregre huc patrem, quōque modo hominem advenientem servus ludificatus sit. Ait se metuere in conspectum sui patris procedere.	1125
SCENE V 3. (Enter CALLIDAMATES, at a distance.) CALL. (to himself.)  When I had buried all drowsiness [1], and slept off the hangover, Philolaches told me that his father had arrived here from abroad;  in what a way, too, his servant had deluded the man on his arrival;  he said that he was afraid to come into his father’s presence.
[Footnote 1:  Buried all drowsiness  ) — Ver. 1122.  Generally we hear of a person “being buried in sleep”;  but Callidamates considers that a drunkard, when he awakes from his sleep, “buries slumber.”  It is not unlike the words of Shakspeare, in Macbeth:  “Macbeth doth murder sleep!”]
Nunc ego de sodalitate solus sum orator datus, qui a patre ejus conciliarem pacem. —  (Sees the others, addresses Theopropides.)  ¡ Atque eccum optime ! — Jubeo te salvere et, salvus quum advenis, Theopropides, peregre, gaudeo.  Hīc apud nos hodie cenes.  ¡ Sic face ! TH.  Callidamates, di te ament.  De cena facio gratiam.	1130
Now of our company I am deputed sole ambassador, to obtain peace from his father.  (Sees the others.)  And look, most opportunely here he is.  (Addressing Theopropides.)  I wish you health, Theopropides, and am glad that you’ve got back safe from abroad.  You must dine here with us to-day.  Do so.  THEO.  Callidamates, may the Gods bless you.  For your dinner I offer you my thanks.
CALL.  ¿ Quin venis ?  TR. (calling out scoffingly from the altar to Theopropides.)  ¡ Promitte !  Ego ibo pro te, si tibi non libet. TH. (To Tranio.)  ¡ Verbero !  ¿ Etiam irrides ?  TR.  ¿ Quia me pro te ire ad cenam autumo ? TH. (Enraged.)  Non enim ibis.  ¡ Ego feraris faciam, ut meruisti, in crucem ! CALL. (To Theopropides.)  Age, mitte ista ac te ad me ad cenam.  TR. (To Theopropides.)  ¡ Dic venturum !  ¿ Quid taces ? CALL. (To Tranio.)  Sed tu, ¿ istīc quid confugisti in aram ?  TR.  Inscitissimus es.	1135
CALL.  Will you come then?  TRA. (To THEOPROPIDES.)  Do promise him;  I’ll go for you, if you don’t want to.  THEO.  Whip-scoundrel, laughing at me still?  TRA.  What, because I say that I’ll go to dinner for you?  THEO.  But you will not go.  I’ll have you carried to the cross, as you deserve.  CALL. (To Theopropides.)  Come, let this pass and dine with me.  TR. (To Theopropides.)  Say that you will go to the dinner!  Why are you silent?  CALL. (to TRANIO.)  But you, why have you taken refuge there at the altar?  TR. You’re a know-nothing.
(Pointing to Theopropides.)  Adveniens perterruit me.  (To Theopropides.)  ¡ Loquere nunc quid fecerim ! Nunc utrisque disceptator eccum adest :  ¡ Age, disputa ! TH.  Filium corrupisse ajo te meum.  TR.  ¡ Ausculta modo ! Fateor peccavisse, amicam liberasse, absente te, fenori argentum sumpsisse.  Id esse absumptum prædĭco.	1140
TRA.  He frightened me on his arrival.  (To THEOPROPIDES.)  Say now what I have done amiss.  Look, now there’s an umpire for us both;  come, discuss the matter.  THEO.  I say that you have corrupted my son.  TRA.  Only listen.  I confess that he has done amiss;  that he has given freedom to his mistress in your absence;  that he has borrowed money at interest;  that, I declare, is squandered away.
¿ Numquid aliud fecit nisi quod summis gnati generibus ? TH. (Sarcastically.)  ¡ Hercle, mihi tecum cavendum est, nimis qui es orator catus ! CALL. (To Theopropides.)  Sine me dum istuc judicare.  (To Tranio.)  ¡ Surge !  Ego istīc assedero. TH. (To Callidamates.)  Maxime.  Accipito hanc tute ad te litem.  TR. (To himself.)  Enim istīc captio est. (To Callidamates.)  Fac, ego ne metuam mihi atque ut tu meam timeas vicem.  (Remains sitting on the altar.)	1145
Has he done anything different to what sons of the noblest families do?  THEO.  Upon my faith, I must be on my guard with you;  you are too clever a pleader.  CALL.  Just let me be umpire in this matter.  (To TRANIO.)  Get up;  I’ll seat myself there.  THEO.  By all means:  take the management of this dispute to yourself.  (Pushes him to one side of the altar.)  TRA. (To himself.)  Why, this is surely a trick.  (To Callidamates.)  Make it so that I do not fear for myself and that you take my place in fearing.  (Remains sitting on the altar.)
TH. (To Callidamates.)  Jam minoris omnia alia facio præquam quibus modis me ludificatu’st.  TR. (To Theopropides.)  Bene, hercle, factum — et factum gaudeo. Sapere istac ætate oportet, qui sint capite candido. TH.  ¿ Quid ego nunc faciam ?  TR.  Si amicus Diphilo aut Philēmoni es, dicito eis, quo pacto tuus te servus ludificaverit.	1150
THEO. (To Callidamates.)  I consider now everything of trifling consequence compared with the way in which he has fooled me.  TRA. (To Theopropides.)  I’ faith, ‘twas cleverly done — and I rejoice that it was done.  Those who have white heads ought at that age to be wiser.  THEO.  ¿ What should I do now ?  TRA.  If you are a friend of Diphilus or Philemon [2], tell them how your servant made a fool of you.
[Footnote 2:  Diphilus or Philemon  ) — Ver. 1149.  Diphilos and Philemon were two famous playwrights of the Greek Nea, the “New Comedy,” playwrights from whom Plautus borrowed extensively.  Philemon wrote a comedy entitled “Phasma” (“The Ghost”), suspected of being the prototype for the Mostellaria.]
Optimas frustrationes dederis in comœdiis. CALL. (To Tranio.)  Tace parumper ;  sine vicissim me loqui. — (To Theopropides.)  Ausculta.  TH.  Licet. CALL.  Omnium primum sodalem me esse scis gnato tuo. Is adiit me.  Nam illum prodire pudet in conspectum tuum,	1154-1155
You will have furnished them with the best deceptions to use in their Comedies.  CALL. (To Tranio.)  Hold your tongue awhile;  let me speak in my turn.  (To Theopropides.)  Listen.  THEO.  By all means.  CALL.  You know that I am your son’s first companion of all.  He came to me.  For he is ashamed to enter your presence,
propterea quia fecit quæ te scire scit.  Nunc te obsecro,	1156
because he knows that you know what he has done.  Now, I beseech you,
stultitiæ adulescentiæque ejus ignoscas.  ¡ Tuu’st ! Scis solere illanc ætatem tali ludo ludere. Quidquid fecit, nobiscum una fecit :  Nos deliquimus. Fenus, sortem sumptumque omnem quibus amica empta est, omnia	1160
do pardon his stupidity and youthfulness.  He is your son;  you know that this age is wont to play such pranks;  whatever he has done, he has done in company with me.  We have acted wrong:  the interest, principal, and all the sum with which the mistress was purchased, all of it
nos dabimus, nos conferemus, nostro sumptu, non tuo. TH. (Relieved and consiliatory.)  Non potuit venire orator magis ad me impetrabilis quam tu.  Neque illi jam sum iratus, neque quicquam suscenseo. Immo me præsente amato, bibito, facito quod libet : Si hoc pudet fecisse sumptum, supplici habeo satis.	1165
we will give back and contribute together, at our own cost, not yours.  THEO. (Relieved and consiliatory.)  No mediator could have come to me more able to influence me than yourself.  I am neither angry at him [3], nor do I blame him for anything:  nay more, in my presence, wench on, drink, do what you please.  If he’s ashamed of the fact that he has been extravagant, I have sufficient satisfaction.
[Footnote 3:  Neither angry at him ) — Ver. 1163.  “Illi,” “at him”;  evidently meaning Philolaches.]
CALL.  Dispudet.  TR. (Again interfering in the conversation.)  ¿ Post istam veniam, quid me fiet nunciam ? TH. (Enraged.)  ¡ Verberibus, lutum, cædēris pendens !  TR.  ¿ Tamen, etsi pudet ? TH.  Interimam, hercle, ego te, si vivo.  CALL. (To Theopropides.)  Fac istam cunctam gratiam. Tranioni amitte, quæso, hanc noxiam, causā meā. TH. (Unrelenting.)  ¡ Aliud quidvis impetrari a me facilius perferam,	1170
CALL.  I’m quite ashamed myself.  TRA.  After that pardon now then, what is to become of me?  THEO.  Filth, tied up as you hang [4], you shall be beaten with stripes.  TRA.  Even though I am ashamed [5]?  THEO.  Upon my faith, I’ll be the death of you, as I live!  CALL. (To Theopropides.)  Make this pardon universal;  do, pray, forgive Tranio this offence, for my sake.  THEO.  I would more readily put up with your obtaining any other request of me
[Footnote 4:  Tied up as you hang ) — Ver. 1167.  A very common way to punish slaves was to hang the transgressor up by the wrists while immobilizing his feet with weights, then beating the individual thus suspended in mid air.]
[Footnote 5:  Though I am ashamed ) — Ver. 1167.  This piece of impudence is very characteristic of Tranio.]
quam ut non ego istum pro suis factis pessimis pessum premam ! CALL.  Mitte, quæso, istum.  (Tranio gestures mockingly.)  TH. (To Callidamates.)  ¿ Videsne ut astat furcifer ? CALL. (To Tranio, in a severe tone.)  ¡ Tranio, quiesce, si sapis !  TH. (To Callidamates.)  Tu quiesce hanc rem modo petere.  Ego illum, ut sit quietus, verberibus subegero. TR. (Scoffing.)  Nil opu’st, profecto.  CALL. (To Theopropides.)  ¡ Age jam, sine te exorari !	1175
than that I should forbear sending to perdition this fellow for his most villanous doings.  CALL.  Pray, do pardon him.  (Tranio gestures mockingly.)  THEO. (To Callidamates, pointing to the altar.)  Do you see how the gallows-bird perches there?  CALL. (To Tranio, in a severe tone.)  Tranio, be quiet, if you know what is good for you.  THEO. (To Callidamates.)  And you, be quiet in urging this matter.  I’ll subdue him with stripes, so that he shall be quiet.  TRA. (Scoffingly.)  Really, that’s unnecessary.  CALL. (To Theopropides.)  Come now, allow yourself to be prevailed upon.
TH. (Unrelenting.)  Nolo ores.  CALL.  Quæso, hercle.  TH.  Nolo, inquam, ores. CALL.  Nequiquam non vis. ¡ Hanc modo unam noxiam, unam, quæso !  Fac causā meā. TR. (Grinning, to Theopropides.)  ¿ Quid gravaris ?  ¡ Quasi non cras jam commeream aliam noxiam ! Ibi utrumque — et hoc et illud — poteris ulcisci probe. CALL. (To Theopropides.)  Sine, te exorem.  TH. (Giving in;  to Tranio.)  Age abi, abi impune.  (Points to Callidamates.)  ¡ Em huic habeto gratiam !	1180
THEO.  I wish you would not request me.  CALL.  Troth now, I do entreat you.  THEO.  I wish you would not request me, I tell you.  CALL.  It’s in vain you wish me not;  only do grant this one pardon — one — for his offence, pray, for my sake.  TRA. (Grinning, to Theopropides.)  Why so loath?  As if tomorrow I shouldn’t be very soon committing some other fault;  then, both of them, both this one and that, you’ll be able to punish soundly.  CALL. (To Theopropides.)  Do let me prevail upon you.  THEO. (Giving in;  to Tranio.)  Alright, have it so;  leave, leave unpunished!  (TRANIO jumps down from the altar.)  There now (pointing to CALLIDAMATES), return him thanks for it.
Ω (To the audience.)  Spectatores, fabula hæc est acta.  ¡ Vos plausum date !	1181
(The director of the troop [director gregis] or the flute-player [tibicen] comes forward.)  Spectators, this Play is finished;  grant us your applause! [6]
[Footnote 6:  Grant us your applause ) — Ver. 1181.  We may here remark that The Intriguing Chambermaid, one of Fielding’s Comedies, is founded upon this entertaining Play.]